Becoming An Adult

Even though I am married and live on my own and am financially independent (so to speak) I still have moments where I do not feel like I am really an adult. Honestly, the moments I feel like an adult are rarer than the moments I do not.

Later today I am going to a visitation for the father of one of my friends. I don't know either one of her parents. I know that her dad had some type of cancer and that it this wasn't a total surprise.

When Seth told me last night that he had died, in that instant I felt about ten years older. I knew instantly that we had to go and support our friend. I think the last time I went to a visitation was five years ago when a girl I went to high school with was tragically killed in a car accident. That was different though, we all realized we were far too young to be attending the funeral of one of our peers. We knew that it wasn't natural or normal for people so young to die and we were all still kids, having just graduated from high school a few months earlier.

This time, it's not a peer, it's the father of a friend. Instead of making me realize the fragility of my own life, it makes me realize that this is part of becoming an adult, part of getting older.

I can't help but be reminded of how my own mom died from leukemia almost fourteen years ago. I can't help but remember how alone I felt when none of my friends came to the visitation. I can't help but think of how their silence around me was so offensive to me. I can't help but think that I don't want any friend of mine to have to go through that.

I instinctively wanted to go to the visitation when I heard the news. And that is how I know I am growing up. Instead of having an internal battle with myself, I just knew I had to go and there was nothing more to think about. I know it will be awkward and uncomfortable, but my decision has been made. I know that I need to go because there's a hurting person who is probably hoping that her friends will show up, if for no other reason than to take her mind off of all the hurt she is surrounded by.