278/365: Surprise

Today I came home and Seth had surprised me with roses. He told me that he looked for blue flowers too so that I could have Illini flowers but he couldn't find any. Love that husband of mine!

225/365: One Year

I can't believe I've been married for a whole year!

Brunch at Rooster was probably the best meal I've ever had. Best breakfast for sure.

I need to learn how to make crepes.

Stat.

We also visited the Anheuser-Busch Brewery, which was my favorite part of the trip. Don't judge.

I really liked the clydesdales. What a majestic animal.

The Anheuser-Busch family of beers, most of which were available to sample in the hospitality lounge! I really enjoyed the Wild Blue, which had a strong blueberry taste. Yum :)

All too soon it as time to head home, where we dug into year old cake.

It was actually pretty good!

224/365: Revisiting My Childhood (Sorta)

Growing up an hour away from St. Louis, I have been to the city many times. More times than I can count. The place I have been the most is probably the St. Louis Zoo, and probably because it is FREE.

The zebras were amazing, but they were no match for the cuteness of the giraffes....

That baby giraffe was pretty much the cutest thing I have ever seen....

Well, maybe except for this. Maybe...

We headed to the famous Delmar Loop and more specifically, Blueberry Hill for lunch.

The toasted ravioli did not disappoint.

We headed over to FroYp for some frozen yogurt. You get to choose your flavor and toppings and pay by the ounce. Yum!

Seth wanted rootbeer floats from Fitz's. FYI, that's a split rootbeer float. Wowza.

After some chillaxing we headed down to the arch. We stood in line for a very, very long time while we waited to ride to the top.

The view was amazing and the timing was perfect to view the sunset. So beautiful!

Seth and me at the very tip-top! The Asian guy taking our picture made us stand apart so you could see the picture behind us. Haha!

223/365: Mini-Vacay

Sunday is our anniversary. This calls for a celebration. We're going on a mini-vacay to St. Louis.

We left as soon as Seth got off work and had to stop for a sandwich at Subway.

Subway didn't last too long and we had both been craving Red Robin so we made a stop in Edwardsville for an early dinner.

Before long we were in the city. Of course, we got there for rush hour, which was splendid. Oh, and it was raining.

The rain cleared out by the time we walked down to the stadium for the Cardinal's game.

It was actually perfect weather to enjoy the game!

We headed back to the hotel and it was finally time for Seth to reveal the anniversary surprise!

Champagne, chocolate covered strawberries, and a new purse! What a great husband I have!

141/365: Fine China

After almost a year, I finally get to open these boxes. The boxes that hold my "casual" china.

I actually have fine china that my mom and grandma bought for me when I was a small child. I have only even seen the fine china two times in my life. Once, when I begged my mom to show me and then again, a couple years ago when my parents were moving to a different house. My brothers got fiestaware, which is MUCH more practical but I am pretty sure neither one of them have gotten any use out of their dishes either. For now, all of our dishes live in a basement; probably not what my mom and grandma had in mind when they bought them.

Not only do I have fine china, I also have fine silverware (what do you call really nice silverware?) that has been sitting in that same basement for years and years. Unlike the china, I have actually seen the silverware several times and I think I even got to pick it out. I know that I still like the design, which just goes to show my taste is consistent from when I was a small child to now that I am a "grown" woman -- whatever that means.

Anyway, back to the casual china at hand! This was a wedding present from my step mom's entire family -- 8 place settings!!! Although a rather boring gift, it was probably my favorite. It was the gift I never would have bought for myself, ever. Since this was such an expensive gift I never unpacked the dishes to use because I thought I was going to be moving somewhere later that summer. I didn't realize it would be almost a year before I moved.

There Are No Coincidences

Last week one of my friends said to me, 'I'm starting to think that there are no coincidences."

I'm inclined to agree with her. this comment came after I told her about being passed by a friend on the highway on the way home from school.

It got me thinking about the other coincidences that have happened in my life.

Is it just coincidence that I was accepted into the U of I's School of Social Work program, this year, where I have made what will probably be lifelong friends?

Is it coincidence that my mom had leukemia and my step-sister's dad also had leukemia? And that I am great friends with my step-sister?

Is is coincidence that friends of mine were prevented from flying to Asia the day after the most wanted terrorist was killed?

Is it coincidence that my internship and Seth's new job start on the exact same day and that neither one of us had any control over our start dates?

I think I am becoming more convinced that there are no coincidences. The orchestration of God is nothing short of amazing. I'm no Calvinist, but I certainly think that it is amazing the way God works in the details. I love the rare moments I am able to recognize God's hand in the details.

I'm starting to think there are no coincidences.

118/365: No More Mart

Seth sent me this text a week ago, but I couldn't say anything until today when it became official. Seth is the new on-air personality for a local radio station. We are beyond excited as 1) this job means we are officially mart free, 2) it's full time, and 3) weekends off.

The timing is perfect since he will start the same day I start my internship. We are both beyond excited for this new stage in our lives.

108/365: Big Red

In just a few short weeks my contract with AT&T will be no more. It is so weird to be old enough to have my own phone contract, let alone actually stick with it the entire contract. Anyway, I could renew but it's in my maiden name, and it's kind of weird to consistently get mail with the wrong name on it.

Speaking of marriage, I'm married to a man who is obsessed with gadgets of the electronic variety. He's been scoping out all of the different phones that are out there and knows exactly what he wants. Not only that, but he knows the ins and outs of every phone contract that has ever existed.

This is why we are moving over to Big Red, Verizon, the wireless company that Rules the Air. We've been set on getting smart phones for quite a while, which requires a data plan. Verizon still offers an unlimited data plan. Also, there isn't the necessity for an unlimited texting package because when we buy one of the smaller ones we get unlimited texting to any Verizon customer, which is pretty awesome since most of my family is with Verizon and many of my friends too.

92/365: Matchy Matchy

After only seven months of marriage, Seth and I have reached a new threshold of marriage....matching shoes. Must be true love.

91/365: Uncle Seth

Uncle Seth.

The man who in one breath claims he hates babies and in the next says that babies are the cutest beings on earth. The one who says, "what a cute little tongue." Or, "look at those cute little fingers."

Ah, Uncle Seth. He's a fickle man. He has baby fever, he just doesn't know it. Yet.

89/365: Krispy Kreme

For whatever reason, Seth and I have had a serious donut craving lately. On sunday we went to IGA for cheese and I looked for donuts, but I guess their bakery doesn't do donuts. Unfortunate. Seth and I chose to medicate our need for donuts with gummy worms instead. Today, finally, donuts are ours. Thank goodness for Kroger and their connection to wonderful Krispy Kreme.

78/365: Blue Kitchen

The kitchen, after one coat of paint. As soon as Seth came home from work he declared it was an ugly blue. I've been doubting my color-choosing capabilites ever since.

It's Official . . .

I'm an adult. If getting married didn't make me feel old, filing my taxes sure did.

But then I filled out my FAFSA, which made me feel young.

But then I realized it was the last time I would ever fill out a FAFSA and I felt old.

Old and happy.

67/365: Bonus Points

This game came out today and arrived at our door today. No, we didn't rush out to buy it. I let my husband convince me to preorder it. I was kind enough to let him use my Amazon Student Prime account (which you should look into if you are a student!) and we got FREE two day shipping. Sadly, (for Seth, I could care less) he won't even have time to play it because he is working like a mad man this week. And I am pretty sure I get some points in the bonus column for letting him buy this (even though he makes all the money anyway!).

There Is A Light

I am so happy to see the sunshine and warmer temperatures this week. I feel renewed and refreshed. Or at least I did on monday. Two different times this week I have woken up early to exercise.

I don't know what happened, but something in me changed on sunday night. For the last six months I have really struggled with feeling guilty because I am not happy. It was a vicious cycle of not being happy, feeling guilty, feeling even less happy, and then feeling even more guilty.

There's this assumption I had that since I was newly married I should be happy all the time and that I should not only be happy, but that I should be the happiest I have ever been. This hasn't been the worst times of my life by any stretch, but it has been one of the most stressful.

I underestimated how much grad school was going to strain my life. College was relatively stress free. I went to class full-time and worked an average of thirty hours a week. I thought that grad school would be like college (which incidentally, I keep misspelling) only with tougher homework.

Not only did I underestimate the strain of grad school, I underestimated how full my life was. I am married. I commute an hour and a half (really two hours because I park and take the bus) one way just to get to classes. It's no wonder I feel stressed and anxious all the time.

All this time I had not made the connection that grad school was the thing that was causing all of my anxiety and general feelings of unhappiness. At the same time I didn't think being married made me unhappy, I just felt guilty about not being happy. FINALLY, this week I connected the dots....I am unhappy because I am stressed to the max. My marriage is probably the one thing (other than God) that keeps me sane and keeps me from losing it altogether.

This past week has still been filled with anxiety, but the difference is I don't feel guilty about it. I'm trying to manage it better, but I don't feel guilty. I am embracing the fact that twenty hours grad classes is overwhelming and it's ok to feel overwhelmed. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the year I will have be completely done with my masters (hopefully to never return to school again) and in less than three months I will be done with classes.

47/365: Procrastination

Today I finally remembered to return the tupperware container (that once held these mints) that I had in my possession since the day I got married. I had actually been meaning to give it back to her for several days and finally remembered to do so. I also pulled my mock "bouquet" out of the backseat of my car, moving it to the trunk. My dress still hasn't been dry cleaned. There is a bag of items I borrowed from a friend I used to work with still hanging in my closet. Also, a huge boxful of decorations that still need to be returned to a friend. Has anyone else out there procrastinated on after-wedding details? Or am I alone in my procrastination?

45/365: Be Mine

After being gone all day, this is what I came home to.

I cannot really express how happy I have been today, and not because it's Valentines Day, and not because I got roses and chocolate and champagne and a sweet card from my husband. The way I felt today is the best I have felt in a long time.

Today also marks six months of being married. Most days I feel like I have been married for six years. The last six months haven't been the best of my life, but it's probably not what you think. Or, maybe it is. Grad school has absolutely drained me. Going in I wasn't prepared for it at all. I've done alright for myself, but it hasn't been easy. The last six months have been hard but there's no way I could have done it without Seth by my side to support me. And there's certainly no way I'll make it through the next six without him.

Things I Don't Like

I'm going to be honest, there are a lot of things I do that I don't like.

1. blow-drying my hair.

2. the way my hair feels if I let it air-dry. catch 22, right there.

3. grocery shopping. I hate leaving my apartment just to get groceries.

4. budgeting. Like the concept, hate the actual process.

5. the way my husband can take the apartment from clean to clutter in 2 seconds flat.

6. my hour and twenty minute commute, but I did have a choice in that.

7. the way jeans make my legs feel really constricted when I am laying on my bed.

8. the overall lack of storage in my apartment. also, the lack of insulation.

9. blizzards. enough said.

32/365: Belated Birthday

Since I was meeting Miss Savannah on my birthday we didn't have a chance to celebrate with the in-laws. My sweet husband bought me a cake, not knowing that I am not a cake person. Exhibit A: no cake was consumed on my actual birthday and I have a twin brother too. He also did not have cake. We just aren't cake people. The cake was really awesome though and I love that he chose a Cars theme, one of the few movies I actually own. There were trick candles on top, which should have been obvious to me by the amount of sparks that were coming off the candles. That went right over my head, though and I thought I could blow them all out in one huge huff of air. I nearly went into an asthmatic attack trying to blow them out. The smoke alarm went off multiple times and there was wax all over the cake by the time I actually extinguished all the candles. A sign that I am getting old.

Eve Of 24

This is the last day of my twenty-third year of life. Twenty-three was very exciting.

I planned a beautiful wedding.

I was accepted to grad school.

I got married to an amazing man.

I finished two semesters of grad school and maintained a 4.0.

I exercised regularly enough that I could have run a 5K if I wanted.

I became an aunt (just barely--my precious niece was born just three days ago!).

I had a live Christmas tree for the first time ever.

I have been cooking more than ever before---and enjoying it too.

I've added more miles to my car than I care to think about.

I am finally paying all of my bills and not relying on my parents financially. Feels good. Kinda.

Most months, I have made a budget and stuck to it.

Twenty-three certainly wasn't a cakewalk. There were hard moments. I am finding that the older I get, the more proactive I have to be. I cannot just let things happen to me. I cannot float aimlessly through life. I think that over the last year I have started making conscious decisions about what I am going to do with my life.

For better or for worse, I have made many important decisions on a whim. Aside from saying yes to Seth when he asked me to marry him (or date him for that matter), deciding to get my masters in social work was probably one of the first conscious decisions I made. I had drifted into seminary on a total whim, not quite ready to leave behind my collegiate lifestyle.

I have found that there is a great joy in making conscious decisions. I feel like I have control of my life. In a sense. Of course, there is the God piece. When I am making conscious decisions I actually pray about them in advance and can have peace about the outcome. When I just drift into the circumstances of my life I am praying, but it is usually something like, "dear God, please let this be the right thing....since I'm already here."

I am grateful for where I've been and what I've done and I'm happy to be where I am most of the time. I am thankful for most of the experiences I have had because I made decisions on a whim--like where to go to college. I am finding that I am much more appreciative of the decisions I've made consciously and with great effort and prayer.