Apartment Hunting

We looked at apartments today. In smalltown, USA. Seriously.

Apartment #1 was above a car dealership. 

Pros: hardwood floor, 2 big closets, hardwood floor, heated floors in the winter (it's above the showroom), we can paint if we want, awesome landlord, and last but certainly not least--shared washer/dryer with the other 2 tenants (!!!!) 

Cons: smallest kitchen ever, very little cabinet/counter space

Apartment #2 is when things got weird.

Pros: good layout and lots of space

Cons: smells like old people, nasty carpet, probably weird landlord, creepy barbershop downstairs

Now, for the back story about the weirdness. I talked to the landlord on the phone and he said the apartment was a barbershop where his dad was the barber and if we stopped by his dad would give us the keys and let us have a look around. Sounds legit, right? Wrong.

We walk into the barbershop to see, literally, piles of stuff everywhere: on the floors, the counters, in the sinks. Everywhere. There were also hats everywhere. Hanging from the ceiling, hanging on the wall. Everywhere. The only things that indicated we were in a barbershop were the barber chairs (is that what they're called?) and a can of barbasol. There was also an old woman and an old man sitting at a folding table staring at us incredulously. Unfortunately, this was only the beginning.

The "barber" offered us some coffee, to which we said, "heck no" and got to work looking for the key to the apartment, which was quite the chore given the amount of crap in this place. He had to have had at least 20 keys he looked at, but none of them were the key to the apartment (side note: once we actually got to the apartment, we found that it was unlocked). He said he had to get the key from his son and would be right back. He also offered us a soda, which we accepted. 

There we were with the strange old people staring at us. With the "barber" gone, the woman took her cue and began talking incessantly. First, she informed us of the price of coffee at every single place in town that served coffee. (I learned that Pizza Hut serves coffee--$1.29 in case you are wondering). She concluded that "She comes here because the coffee is free." She then carried on about baking a chocolate cake that "was going to be richer than the devil." At this point the old man got up and started showing us his collection of military flags and his presentation concluded with him trying to sell some poppies (you know, the ones that veterans stand in the street to sell around memorial day?) to us. 

About this time another man came in without saying a word, but took his seat next to the other two and started staring at us like the others. At this point the woman started talking about all the farmland she and her husband used to own and how she raised her own chickens. Thankfully, another man came in and distracted her for a minute. However, he was carrying a plate of hamburgers and hotdogs so the weirdness continued.

About thirty seconds later the "barber" came back and had the key with him thank goodness. We practically ran out of there. We had a quick look at the apartment. Well, after we recovered from being knocked over by the smell of old people the moment we walked in. We took the key back to the "barbershop" and were invited to stay for some hotdogs and potato salad.

Needless to say, we declined and got the heck out of there! Apartment #1 suddenly seemed like heaven on earth.