I guess this is sort of my last first day of classes, except I'm not going to class, I'm going to my internship. Yesterday at church there was a prayer for students, teachers and parents. And...I cried through the whole thing. As soon as they started praying for students --praying that they would do all things with excellence, that they would befriend the students who are overlooked --well I realized that was what I really needed.
I'm tired of being in school and I don't want to do things with excellence. I just want to do them and be done. Many of the kids I work with probably don't have a lot of friends, they're awkward, shy, or just plain obnoxious. Honestly, on most days I just don't have the mental, physical, or emotional strength to be friendly towards them.
The only thing I remember from the prayer for teachers was that they would have an abundance of patience. I know I need an abundance of patience for sure, but all I could think was, "praying for an abundance of patience is like praying for an abundance of obnoxious children who try your patience." I know I could use more patience for sure.
After taking 20 credit hours two semesters in a row and then jumping immediately into a 7 month internship I'm a little tired and a little worn. I think that the class part of the internship is a waste of time and I don't want to do my assignments at all, let alone do them with excellence. Those assignments just feel like busy work, which I am not convinced they aren't. The internship itself I enjoy, but that doesn't mean I have an endless supply of patience with clients, whether adult or child.
Being an intern at a place I want to work after the internship puts me in an awkward position. I want to do a good job and I do work hard, but sometimes I feel like I get taken advantage of. Since I am new my schedule is relatively wide open. I don't have many standing appointments, usually my calendar doesn't fill up until a day or two before. Since my calendar is so open I have people saying, "well, can't you do this for a hour on thursday?" and "why don't you do this on tuesday?" and before I know it I barely have any other time left. I have a really hard time saying no because I want to show them I am a hard worker and I am willing to work outside of the standard 9-5. I already feel bad enough when I say I can't come in on fridays even though that is a grad school policy, not my own personal preference.
As an intern, I don't get paid and I don't have sick days. I am expected to show up everyday for 32 weeks straight. My supervisor has told me that they are more lenient about that, but the thing with my schedule now is that I can't miss a day or else I am going to leave my responsibilities hanging. And it's not just paperwork that needs to get done, it's driving 2 hours to pick someone up and supervise visits. I now supervise a parent/child visit every day of the week and all of those require 4+ hours of my time. One of those visits requires 4 hours just of driving.
I hope that I will feel differently once I am getting compensated for my time. I hope that I won't mind the later evenings so much and that I'll have a little more patience.
What I do know is that I am almost there. I am almost done with grad school and I am almost done being an intern. I am getting closer to 'there.'
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