Update-A-Rama

I must say I feel a little guilty for going over three weeks without blogging. Then again, Lincoln is slightly less exciting than Thailand.

The major highlight (or is it lowlight?) of the last three weeks is going back to the Mart. It's nice to have an income again and I did miss some of the people I work with. What I didn't miss was people treating me as though I am completely incompetent, random guys who think it is acceptable to flirt in a checkout line, and being treated miserably by people who have Bible verses on their checks. This blog could almost become a chronicle of all the bizarre happenings at the Mart --and that would be a sad, sad thing.

Moving on.

Some of you may know that I visited the emergency room a little over a month ago. I was dehydrated and having been dehydrated before I knew that what I really needed was an IV because I was throwing up any liquid that tried to enter my body. Upon arrival at the ER I was accused of being bulimic by the emergency room doctor. There is no way I could ever be bulimic. I like food way too much. It's not my fault that I had been eating mostly rice and living in a tropical climate for the four previous months. It also isn't my fault that those things might lead to weight loss--it certainly wasn't my intention. A couple hours and one IV bag later I was able to return home. Did I mention that this all happened at one in the morning? That did not make for a restful night's sleep.

Ironically, I sent in the application to have health insurance earlier that day. Although it was supposed to be effective starting that day, the company opted to start my coverage once the paperwork had been processed --June 10th. That day I also received my hospital bill in the mail --my 2 hour visit cost me over $1000. As any normal person would, I panicked. After having time to regroup and calm down I called the hospital to set up a payment plan. Fortunately for me, the hospital had a financial assistance program. I turned in my application in person yesterday morning and prepared myself to wait a few weeks to find out the decision of the hospital board. Much to my surprise one of Abraham Lincoln Memorial's financial counselors called me yesterday afternoon--the hospital board had agreed to cover one hundred percent of my bill.


"This poor man called, and Yahweh heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of Yahweh encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that Yahweh is good; blessed is the man that takes refuge in him."
 
Psalm 34:6-8

Reflecting On Thailand

Now that I have been back almost a month I suppose it is time for me to share my thoughts on the internship as a whole. I really have been putting this post off, somewhat in hopes that people will forget about it. That hasn't happened though and I suppose it is for the best because I do need to actually process the four months I spent in Thailand and this is one way to do that.

I don't think it is going to surprise anyone when I say I didn't enjoy the majority of my internship. Part of it was culture shock. Not necessarily to the Thai culture, but more to everything and everyone being new. Being in Thailand just added to the intensity of the shock. Although I didn't enjoy culture shock, I know that I will probably deal with it again --whether in the states or abroad --and I think that I will be able to handle it better then because of my experience in Thailand. The other less than enjoyable part of my internship involved interpersonal conflict. I've said enough about it in other posts so I'm not going to say a lot here. I do know that conflict is inevitable in life and I'll work with difficult people again so I suppose this was just preparation for the future.


At the time it was really hard for me to see the positive things, but looking back it is a lot easier to see them. Meeting the Edwards' Family was definitely a blessing. I am so grateful that they opened their home to me and let me share this chapter of life with them.

I can tell that I have definitely changed because of my time in Thailand. One of the biggest issues I struggled with in Thailand was self-worth. I was constantly stressed while I was there; not because of the busyness but the fear that I was going to do something wrong. Also, since everyone was new I felt the pressure to live up to everyone's expectations of me ---natural born people-pleaser that I am. And part of it was just that I didn't really have a lot of feedback from anyone. Through this experience I really learned about finding my worth in God and seeking His approval rather than man's. I certainly haven't come close to mastering this but I feel like I have made a lot of strides toward that goal ---a lot more than I would have had I been in my comfort zone.

Another positive is that I have learned what I don't want to do. I don't want to be a missionary, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Although I believe with all that I am that church planting and Bible translation are vitally important to the heart of God, I don't feel called to do either one nor do I feel gifted to do either. My internship (which was for a missions degree) definitely confirmed for me that God is calling me in a slightly different direction. In the fall I will start the Masters in Counseling program at Lincoln Christian Seminary. I'm really looking forward to starting classes. I took a few counseling classes as part of my undergrad degree which made me want to do further study. As of now I'm not sure what direction I will go in after finishing my masters, but I'm leaning towards something like social work.

One of the greatest spiritual lessons I have ever learned was learned in Thailand. I learned that our real work as Christ-followers is to do whatever God calls us to, even if it is boring or uncomfortable or if no one ever hears about it or it seems irrelevant. God calls us to be faithful even when what he is calling us to doesn't make sense. This is what I tried so hard to do while I was in Thailand: be faithful when I was bored, uncomfortable, alone, and feeling irrelevant.

Even though I plan to continue blogging this seems to be a good place to thank everyone for reading my blog, praying for me, sending encouraging emails, etc. I know that without your support this reflection could be sounding a lot different. Even though Thailand wasn't enjoyable, at least I can say that I learned a lot about life ---and I can say I rode an elephant, which sounds pretty cool!

Thoughts From Graduation

At graduation we sang the song Blessed Be Your Name. Part of the song says, "blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name." That song hit me like a brick wall because for the first time since I don't know when I contemplated the implications of what I was saying. I was confronted by those lyrics becasue that isn't exactly what I did the last four months. There was a lot of pain in those months and I'll just go ahead and admit that there wasn't a lot of praise. Since I can't go back and undo things, I am going to choose from this point on to praise, even when there's pain. Even when it doesn't make a lot of sense. Because God is sovereign and he works all things for good.

Let Me Catch My Breath

This isn't either one of the promised posts, but it is something that needs to be shared.

I never realized just how slow life was in Thailand until I got back to the states. I feel like I have been running the whole time I've been back (it's only been a week). Today is the first time that I have been able to actually sit and not feel obligated to do something, although I am typing this blog and I felt obligated to do that. I don't even know how to sit still anymore. It is like being back in the states makes me just want to do and do and do some more. Maybe part of it is that i just moved into an apartment and I'm still unpacking and getting organized. I just don't know.

I keep noticing the most random things that are different between Thailand and Illinois (there are many obvious differences). Like everyone wearing shoes indoors. Or the fact that I am wearing a coat inside and I am still cold. Or the soft and comfy furniture. And carpet. And I'm not in the minority anymore as a caucasian.

When I arrived in Chiang Mai, I am sure I described myself as overwhelmed more than a few times. What surprised me (kinda) is that I felt overwhelmed coming home. It was so weird to go to church on sunday and know the majority of the people there. The overwhelming part was knowing that they all wanted to talk to me and I had kinda been anti-social for the last four months. (Ok...I wasn't anti-social, but people weren't lining up to talk to me.) It is a really strange dichotomy what happened: to people I know really well I will talk, talk, and talk some more, about totally random things too; however, with acquaintances I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible. It was also weird to come home to two closets full of stuff. It was overwhelming to pick out something to wear after having about seven outfits to choose from in Thailand. I guess moving 4 days after I got back wasn't the brightest idea either, but I did and I feel a lot less overwhelmed about that than I did a week ago.

So, now I am just trying to find a new normal in my life. Trying to find a rhythm again. Learning yet again how to budget my time. Trying to figure out the good things that came from Thailand. Trying to figure out where to go from here.

Back In the U.S.A.

I'm home. It's kinda weird. In a good way. Well, except for the jet lag--it's weird in a bad way. I am not a fan of waking up at 4 am. But I am a fan of seeing people I haven't seen for 4 months so I suppose it's a fair trade, if not slightly weighted in my favor.