Reflecting On Thailand

Now that I have been back almost a month I suppose it is time for me to share my thoughts on the internship as a whole. I really have been putting this post off, somewhat in hopes that people will forget about it. That hasn't happened though and I suppose it is for the best because I do need to actually process the four months I spent in Thailand and this is one way to do that.

I don't think it is going to surprise anyone when I say I didn't enjoy the majority of my internship. Part of it was culture shock. Not necessarily to the Thai culture, but more to everything and everyone being new. Being in Thailand just added to the intensity of the shock. Although I didn't enjoy culture shock, I know that I will probably deal with it again --whether in the states or abroad --and I think that I will be able to handle it better then because of my experience in Thailand. The other less than enjoyable part of my internship involved interpersonal conflict. I've said enough about it in other posts so I'm not going to say a lot here. I do know that conflict is inevitable in life and I'll work with difficult people again so I suppose this was just preparation for the future.


At the time it was really hard for me to see the positive things, but looking back it is a lot easier to see them. Meeting the Edwards' Family was definitely a blessing. I am so grateful that they opened their home to me and let me share this chapter of life with them.

I can tell that I have definitely changed because of my time in Thailand. One of the biggest issues I struggled with in Thailand was self-worth. I was constantly stressed while I was there; not because of the busyness but the fear that I was going to do something wrong. Also, since everyone was new I felt the pressure to live up to everyone's expectations of me ---natural born people-pleaser that I am. And part of it was just that I didn't really have a lot of feedback from anyone. Through this experience I really learned about finding my worth in God and seeking His approval rather than man's. I certainly haven't come close to mastering this but I feel like I have made a lot of strides toward that goal ---a lot more than I would have had I been in my comfort zone.

Another positive is that I have learned what I don't want to do. I don't want to be a missionary, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Although I believe with all that I am that church planting and Bible translation are vitally important to the heart of God, I don't feel called to do either one nor do I feel gifted to do either. My internship (which was for a missions degree) definitely confirmed for me that God is calling me in a slightly different direction. In the fall I will start the Masters in Counseling program at Lincoln Christian Seminary. I'm really looking forward to starting classes. I took a few counseling classes as part of my undergrad degree which made me want to do further study. As of now I'm not sure what direction I will go in after finishing my masters, but I'm leaning towards something like social work.

One of the greatest spiritual lessons I have ever learned was learned in Thailand. I learned that our real work as Christ-followers is to do whatever God calls us to, even if it is boring or uncomfortable or if no one ever hears about it or it seems irrelevant. God calls us to be faithful even when what he is calling us to doesn't make sense. This is what I tried so hard to do while I was in Thailand: be faithful when I was bored, uncomfortable, alone, and feeling irrelevant.

Even though I plan to continue blogging this seems to be a good place to thank everyone for reading my blog, praying for me, sending encouraging emails, etc. I know that without your support this reflection could be sounding a lot different. Even though Thailand wasn't enjoyable, at least I can say that I learned a lot about life ---and I can say I rode an elephant, which sounds pretty cool!