Before I Turn 25, Part 2

I'm going to check in on the 30th of every month and give a little progress report of how I'm doing with my goals for the year. Only, during February it will be on the 28th :-)

Blog regularly- check!
Read the Bible- this is a major area I've slacked in. hoping to get back into a better habit of daily reading.
Stop playing meaningless games- half a check? I've stopped most of the pointless ones, but kept the ones that make me use my brain like sodoku and words with friends.
Exercise- I said I would start this in March and it isn't March yet, but I did go running twice last week- check!
Spending time with Seth- I hate to admit it, but I'd kinda forgotten about this. We've been spending time together, but nothing intentional, which is what I would like it to be so once our lives get more busy and we don't have lots of extra time, we will be in a pattern of spending time intentionally with one another.
Cleaning regularly- check!
Growing hair out- I took a step back on this one and whacked off the longest layer of my hair. I feel like it contributes to the overall goal though, because I no longer feel like I have a mulletish type effect going.
Don't color my hair- check!
Don't buy anything for the apt- check!
Visit family more often- check! (I was just there this weekend!)
Purge- I haven't had a chance to go through my stuff this month.
Managing stress- I think I'm getting better, but I'm also noticing different ways that the stress manifests itself--headaches and lots of back/neck pain
Texting n driving- still do it. (insert disapproving glares here)
Keep up with laundry- check!
Less time on the internet- probably not, but maybe.
8 hours of sleep- I probably hit this goal most nights, I think the better goal might be to develop a consistent sleep schedule
Save money- check!
Get an internship- working on it, my resume was sent out today. Someone give me an internship!

*I didn't go over everything, because some things won't happen til later in the year and there isn't anything I can do to control that--like when I finish school, or running a 5K. Once I complete them I will be sure to document!

59/365: Chubby Cheeks

Alright, so this picture wasn't taken today. Look at that face, though! Such a cute baby--must take after her aunt. haha! She's gained just over a pound since the last time I saw her and I think every ounce went to her cheeks!

56/365: craving

I have been craving pancakes all week long. Today I finally made the Pioneer Woman pancakes. Actually it is the recipe from the Marlboro Man's grandmother, Edna Mae. She cooked for cowboys for years, so the recipe had to be good! They have sour cream in them, which is unusual--not going to lie. However, with the sweetness of the syrup it really works. My craving is satisfied! They're so delicious!

Here's the recipe: Edna Mae's Sour Cream Pancakes

1 cup sour cream       7 tablespoons all-purpose flour     1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt       1 teaspoon baking soda                 2 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon vanilla   Butter                                            Maple or Pancake Syrup

1. Place an iron skillet or griddle (or whatever) on medium-low heat. You want to get it nice and hot.
2. Place sour cream in a medium bowl. Dump in flour, sugar, salt, and baking soda.
3. Stir together very, very gently. (According to PW, it's not necessary to have the mixture totally combined so that there will be interesting texture.)
4. Whisk the eggs in a separate bowl.
5. Add the vanilla to eggs and stir to combine.
6. Pour the egg mixture into the sour cream/flour mixture.
7. Stir together gently. Don't worry about the mixture being totally combined; a little white and yellow swirling is fine! (PW's words!)
8. Melt about a tablespoon of butter in the skillet. Pour the batter into the skillet 1/4 cup at a time.
9. Cook for 1-1 1/2 minutes, then flip the pancakes over. Cook for another 45 seconds and remove to a plate. Repeat with the remaining batter.
10. Stack the pancakes as high on a plate as your appetite dictates. See how high you can go-make it a personal challenge! (PW's word's not mine!)

*Confession: I used baking powder (it was all I had) and just added a little extra because that's what some website told me to do. I googled it.

55/365: Burnt Out

I am sick. Of school. I am tired of constantly being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of homework I have to do. I don't completely understand everything, and rather than try to plod through my assignments, I procrastinate. The procrastination just makes the anxiety worse. I just keep reminding myself that this is not normal life, and that life will not always be this crazy.

54/365: Comfort Food

Please don't judge me. It was an act of desperation. If I actually felt like cooking, ramen would not be my first choice of comfort food. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. The coffee creamer has got to be self explanatory. And yes as soon as I bought it at 8:30 pm I came home and made a pot of coffee.

53/365: Empty Sink

I love having an empty sink. Even better is having an empty sink and an empty drying rack. That happens maybe once a week and lasts for about 22 minutes. It's something I can look at and think, "I have finished something, even if it just means that all of the dishes are clean." Wednesdays are the longest days of the week for me, so it's nice to head into that knowing I won't come home to a sink full of dishes.

52/365: Wings 'n' Things

I'll admit it, I am lacking in creativity today. My brain got fried in mental disorders, not to mention this was a very dreary and depressing day (speaking of mental disorders...). I was looking forward to these yummy wings all day long though. I think they are what got me through the day. They are super easy to make and don't require anything more than chicken, flour, oil, and any sauce of your choosing!

50/365: Coke

Today was one of those days that I absolutely did not want to get out of bed. It was one of those days that I fought to stay awake all day long. I would have had coffee, but we're out of creamer. Coke seemed like a good second choice.

There Is A Light

I am so happy to see the sunshine and warmer temperatures this week. I feel renewed and refreshed. Or at least I did on monday. Two different times this week I have woken up early to exercise.

I don't know what happened, but something in me changed on sunday night. For the last six months I have really struggled with feeling guilty because I am not happy. It was a vicious cycle of not being happy, feeling guilty, feeling even less happy, and then feeling even more guilty.

There's this assumption I had that since I was newly married I should be happy all the time and that I should not only be happy, but that I should be the happiest I have ever been. This hasn't been the worst times of my life by any stretch, but it has been one of the most stressful.

I underestimated how much grad school was going to strain my life. College was relatively stress free. I went to class full-time and worked an average of thirty hours a week. I thought that grad school would be like college (which incidentally, I keep misspelling) only with tougher homework.

Not only did I underestimate the strain of grad school, I underestimated how full my life was. I am married. I commute an hour and a half (really two hours because I park and take the bus) one way just to get to classes. It's no wonder I feel stressed and anxious all the time.

All this time I had not made the connection that grad school was the thing that was causing all of my anxiety and general feelings of unhappiness. At the same time I didn't think being married made me unhappy, I just felt guilty about not being happy. FINALLY, this week I connected the dots....I am unhappy because I am stressed to the max. My marriage is probably the one thing (other than God) that keeps me sane and keeps me from losing it altogether.

This past week has still been filled with anxiety, but the difference is I don't feel guilty about it. I'm trying to manage it better, but I don't feel guilty. I am embracing the fact that twenty hours grad classes is overwhelming and it's ok to feel overwhelmed. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the year I will have be completely done with my masters (hopefully to never return to school again) and in less than three months I will be done with classes.

48/365: Hannah

Hannah is my amazing friend who I do not see often enough. Tonight Hannah and I chatted over coffee. We've been friends for most of the last four years, when I was only known to her as J-money because that was what the sign on my door said. I'm pretty sure Hannah is the only person who still calls me that.

There are about a billion thoughts racing through my brain thanks to the coffee I had earlier and I am having trouble corralling my thoughts into a coherent form. What I do know is that Hannah is wise beyond her years and a great friend. I'm glad that I get to call her a friend. She's also the person who introduced me to Seth :-)

47/365: Procrastination

Today I finally remembered to return the tupperware container (that once held these mints) that I had in my possession since the day I got married. I had actually been meaning to give it back to her for several days and finally remembered to do so. I also pulled my mock "bouquet" out of the backseat of my car, moving it to the trunk. My dress still hasn't been dry cleaned. There is a bag of items I borrowed from a friend I used to work with still hanging in my closet. Also, a huge boxful of decorations that still need to be returned to a friend. Has anyone else out there procrastinated on after-wedding details? Or am I alone in my procrastination?

46/365: You've Got Mail

This isn't what you probably think it is. This is what I found in my mailbox this morning.

My best guess is that some drunk from any one of several bars down the street stumbled down and once his beer was gone he decided my mailbox was an appropriate place to dispose of it.

Lovely.

45/365: Be Mine

After being gone all day, this is what I came home to.

I cannot really express how happy I have been today, and not because it's Valentines Day, and not because I got roses and chocolate and champagne and a sweet card from my husband. The way I felt today is the best I have felt in a long time.

Today also marks six months of being married. Most days I feel like I have been married for six years. The last six months haven't been the best of my life, but it's probably not what you think. Or, maybe it is. Grad school has absolutely drained me. Going in I wasn't prepared for it at all. I've done alright for myself, but it hasn't been easy. The last six months have been hard but there's no way I could have done it without Seth by my side to support me. And there's certainly no way I'll make it through the next six without him.

43/365: Haircut

Today I got my hair cut. The longest layer had been driving me crazy for the longest time and today it was chopped. It's amazing how just a few inches of hair can make such a huge difference.

42/365: Sunset

There are few times that I actually think, "I like my apartment." Tonight as I watched the sun sink below the horizon I actually liked my apartment, if for nothing other than the view. It's a rare occasion that I am actually thankful for anything about this apartment and when I am it should be documented.

41/365: Turning Stones

Marc Parent spent his days and nights with children at risk and this week I've been spending my days and nights with his book, Turning Stones. It was by far the most depressing, hopeless social work book I have ever read. And I've read several social work-y type books.

Honestly, I set the book down several times and wondered why he ever considered a career in social services. In the last chapter he kind of explains his decision, but his explanation left me wanting much more.

However, it's possible that my whole opinion of the book was tainted by my dislike of the professor who required me to read the darn thing.

39/365: Homemade Pizza

I can no longer eat a pizza that comes out of the freezer. I almost constantly have pizza dough in the fridge, just waiting to be baked. Of course, the recipe came from the Pioneer Woman. It's got to be the easiest meal to make and to eat! If I were more dedicated and actually felt like getting off the couch I'd post the recipe....

38/365: On Again

Coffee. I don't even know where to begin. We've had an on-again, off-again relationship for quite some time. With cold weather and lots of homework we are definitely on-again. Even at 6 pm, I am drinking you in. Fully caffeinated too. Thanks for sticking by me no matter what. Even when I swear I am done with you, but come crawling back to you just days later. I just can't get enough of you, my old trusty friend.

Hundredth Post

Doesn't every blog denote it's hundredth post-aversary?

This one does. I really can't believe it has taken this long to break one hundred. If I had posted everything I really thought when I was in Thailand I probably would have reached this milestone quite some time ago. I did have some restraint, though and that is why I am at this point today. Whatever point that is.

Ah yes, the point of this post: procrastination. I have two papers to write this week and zero papers started. Instead of doing something productive, I turn to the blog to aid me in my goal of the evening: distraction.

While I'm distracting myself, I must admit that I have some big decisions to make in the near future and they are rather overwhelming. Soon, very soon, I will pick an internship site and an internship site will pick me. For the sake of convenience, I am hoping for Catholic Charities. I am already paranoid about interviewing, paranoid that they won't want me after they take one look at my resume, paranoid about so many things. I really hate coming under the scrutiny of anyone. Makes the academic life a bit challenging, since pretty much all of academia is scrutinizing my every move. Or every paper. Which probably explains why I procrastinate so often when it comes to writing papers.

And the post comes full circle.

35/365: Living In Sweats

I'm not one to wear sweatpants. Ever. I generally prefer jeans over any other type of pant. I like structure, what can I say? This week, however, I am breaking all the rules. With the recent snowpocalypse, I haven't left my apartment in days and have found no such reason to wear anything other than sweats. I think I have almost converted to the sweatpant wearing crowd, at least in the comfort of my own home. It does cut into my productivity, though.

Things I Don't Like

I'm going to be honest, there are a lot of things I do that I don't like.

1. blow-drying my hair.

2. the way my hair feels if I let it air-dry. catch 22, right there.

3. grocery shopping. I hate leaving my apartment just to get groceries.

4. budgeting. Like the concept, hate the actual process.

5. the way my husband can take the apartment from clean to clutter in 2 seconds flat.

6. my hour and twenty minute commute, but I did have a choice in that.

7. the way jeans make my legs feel really constricted when I am laying on my bed.

8. the overall lack of storage in my apartment. also, the lack of insulation.

9. blizzards. enough said.

34/365: Peace Of Mind

Last winter the pipes in my apartment froze. 

Correction: the pipes in a mysterious unknown basement below my apartment froze. 

The leak wasn't found until a week later and I was without water the whole time. With subzero temperatures this week I am taking no chance of the pipes freezing again. The kitchen faucet is at a steady drip, giving me peace of mind, knowing that my pipes aren't going to freeze this year.

33/365: Snowpocalypse

Since I am still in school, I know how to appreciate a good snow storm. A good snow storm means that I don't have to drive three hours round trip to go to class. A good snow storm means that I get to wear sweatpants all day and sit on the couch. A good snow storm means that I get to wear slippers all day.

32/365: Belated Birthday

Since I was meeting Miss Savannah on my birthday we didn't have a chance to celebrate with the in-laws. My sweet husband bought me a cake, not knowing that I am not a cake person. Exhibit A: no cake was consumed on my actual birthday and I have a twin brother too. He also did not have cake. We just aren't cake people. The cake was really awesome though and I love that he chose a Cars theme, one of the few movies I actually own. There were trick candles on top, which should have been obvious to me by the amount of sparks that were coming off the candles. That went right over my head, though and I thought I could blow them all out in one huge huff of air. I nearly went into an asthmatic attack trying to blow them out. The smoke alarm went off multiple times and there was wax all over the cake by the time I actually extinguished all the candles. A sign that I am getting old.