273/365: Homecoming Parade

I'm not an alumnus yet, but I will be in just three short months! After going to to football game a few weeks ago, I have to say I am really feeling like an Illini. I'm turning into one of those weird people who loves college football, but only when it is their alma mater. It's kind of insane how into Illini football I have become. I actually don't mind at all when Seth wants to watch or listen to a game and hey are actually doing pretty well this season. 4-0 for the first time in years! Tonight was the homecoming parade, which was really random, but still a good time. There was a lot of I-L-L...I-N-I and random homecoming court members, one of whom had the worst hair I'd ever seen. But enough talk, onto the pictures.

The Chief made an appearance at the parade. He's not allowed at the games anymore thanks to NCAA regulations, but he was by far a crowd favorite at the parade.

The stunt and tumbling team was another favorite and they stopped to do some stunts right in front of us.

The actual cheerleader came later and they did this impressive stunt, of course it would have been more impressive if they all hadn't looked so nervous in the moments leading up to the lift.

Of course, it wouldn't be a parade without the Marching Illini.



***Update: The Fighting Illini are now 5-0 after winning the Homecoming Game!***

269/365: The Bane of My Existence

The buildings on the right side of this picture are being torn down. These buildings are just a block away from where I live. So far, I have not seen any progress being made, other than the arrival of the construction destruction equipment.

However, I have heard what must be progress, or at least what I hope is progress. For several days it was the sound of sporadic jack-hammering. Now, starting at 7:30 every weekday morning I am delighted to hear the sound of sledge-hammering. What they are sledge-hammering I have no idea as no signs of progress can be made. I am told that the sledge-hammering continues until at least four in the afternoon.

You would think after so many days spent doing this that there would be something to show for it...


***Update: Apparently there was some type of gas thingy (technical term) underground that was being dismantled. Thus, no visible progress.***

268/365: Cabin Fever

Today I took the apartment from this....

To this.

Seth was working at the Apple n' Pork Festival and I was getting cabin fever. Sure, I could have lounged in front of the tv all afternoon, but that is for the faint of heart! Instead, I did four loads of laundry, rearranged the bedroom, swept the entire apartment, and went grocery shopping. 

A productive afternoon indeed!

267/365: It's About Time!

So....I've had this frame since before I was married....

And today I FINALLY put some pictures in it.

All I can say is: It's about time!

266/365: Feeling Girly, Take 2

Can anyone see that shine? Yes, I painted my finger nails. Yes, I know it is clear, but it is a big step for me.

265/365: Jalapeno Poppers

I decided that the perfect complement to all of the tv show premieres tonight was the Pioneer Woman's jalapeno poppers! they were awesome!

Of course, now that The Office is back I no longer get to watch Project Runway in real time. No spoilers, please!

264/365: Fashion Diaries

A. I need to clean my mirror.

B. There is this thing taking over the Instagram world called Fashion Diaries.

I don't dress nice enough to actually post on there everyday. Well, it's not really a matter of nice enough, but more that I usually don't look that fashionable, put together or both. On wednesdays I dress pretty casually because I have a visit with four kids under the age of 7. Not really going to wear anything too nice for that so this is my best attempt at looking put together.

260/365: Alma Mater

Seth and I made plans with Matt and Becca and their adorable son, Charlie, to go to the Illini game against ASU. It was a highly publicized game and was televised on ESPN.

This was taken during one of the many breaks -- gotta allow time for all of those commercials. We sat in the horseshoe, opposite the student section at the other end of the field. Attending this game made me finally feel like I was a real Illini.

The halftime show did not disappoint. The Marching Illini were fabulous and the student section provided some entertainment as well.

This was a great game to go to because the outcome of the game came right down to the end. It was definitely entertaining and I paid attention the whole time, which is really saying something for me!

Is There A Point?

Sometimes I wonder what the point is to taking a picture everyday. Often, the photo I take isn't what I will really remember from that day. Monday through thursday I generally can't share openly what really happened that day. Sure there's more to my life than work, but it seems trivial to take a picture of that when lives are changing everyday where I work.

Even if I could share my day, it would just be inappropriate to take a picture. Like on monday, when I was dropping off a kid at his foster home and had to wake up the foster mom. And it was the first time I had ever met the foster mom. That was just awesome. Hey, wake up and by the way, I'm Jessica, nice to meet you.

Or on wednesday when I could hear the cries of a little girl who I think is being traumatized over and over again every time she has a visit with her parents. That's not really photo-worthy.

Thursday I took a picture on my way home. Many farmers have already started harvesting corn. Coming from a farm family I love the harvest. It reminds me of so much. However, that doesn't really sum up what I did on thursday. To post a picture of a combine and pretend like the rest of my day didn't happen just seems wrong.

Thursday morning we went to court and two teenage girls were placed in our custody. One of them refused to go with us, and then the bailiffs refused to help us, and the judge told them they didn't have to. Thanks, Mr. Judge, you tell us what to do and then don't give us the power to do it. We ended up calling the police and eventually she went with us. Eventually she looked at us and eventually she talked to us. It's amazing what some McDonald's can do. I hung out with her all afternoon and saw a whole gamut of emotions. And I honestly couldn't bring myself to even try to cheer her up. She summed up the day well when she said "this sucks."

Often I feel like posting pictures of my day makes it seem like every day is perfect and I'm always happy. But I'm not. Often I come home feeling sad or overwhelmed. But that's not all, I really enjoy doing what I'm doing deep down. Even on the days when it sucks I think deep down that what I am doing makes a difference. Or, at least I hope I am.

253/365: Never Forget

There were several hot air balloons flying over Lincoln today and one of them had an American Flag hanging from it (although I couldn't get a picture of it). The man who was flying that balloon actually called over to Seth's parent's home earlier in the afternoon to see if Seth knew anyone in the Armed Forces who was home so that they could let them know that they were doing this as a tribute to those who serve in the armed forces.

* * * * *

I know I will never forget where I was when I found out or how it made me feel. I was a freshman in high school and was sitting in an Introduction to Agriculture class.It was the class I had right before homeroom, which was right before lunch. It was probably 11:30am. I was sitting in the back left corner, near the teacher's desk. I was quietly doodling in my notebook since it was near the end of class and the announcements would be coming over the intercom anytime. Most of the others in the class were carrying on loudly and it was difficult to hear the announcements. Or, maybe it was the really old speakers. 

I remember hearing something about planes being flown into buildings and the evacuation of  national landmarks, as well as the state capitol building in Springfield. I remember feeling like it was not real and that it was all made up. The reality of what had happened had not sunk in. I don't remember what else was announced, or if anything was announced. I vaguely remember the teacher saying something about it, which made me realize this was real. But, really I still didn't get it. We talked about what had happened in english class that afternoon. It still didn't seem real.

I think my dad picked me up from school that day. I remember riding in the car with him and my twin brother. I remember the streets of our small town being packed with cars (for probably the first and last time) as everyone was trying to get the the small gas station in our town. I remember trying to reconcile what had happened in my fourteen year old mind. I couldn't do it. It seemed like the world around me was going crazy.

I remember later that week, being in science class and hearing "I'm Proud to be an American" over the intercom. I did feel proud, but I grew to loathe that song since it was played so frequently. I remember going to church later that year, near Christmas time. One of the preacher's sons, who was like an older brother to me was back from finishing college. I remember him telling me that he had joined the Marines and was being deployed the next month. 

Unfortunately, I also remember that as the days, weeks, and years passed I thought less and less about how we were a nation at war and more and more about my own life. It didn't really sink in how fortunate a nation we are that we do not have daily reminders of the war we are involved in. Several weeks ago, I began to notice that every monday when I drove to Springfield I would see Army vehicles. Seeing Army vehicles really freaks me out. The war is suddenly real. High school classmates of mine are out there on the front lines. This is very real. I don't want to forget the reality of what is happening around the world. I don't want to forget about all of those who serve in the Armed Forces who fight so that you and I can have freedom. 

252/365: Documentation

96 POINT WORD! Yes, I am just a little excited. Sadly, I am doing so poorly that I am still nearly 100 points behind after playing this word.

250/365: Baby Catcher

I started reading this book today and I have to say it is really fascinating. Now, I'm not planning on popping out babies anytime soon but this book (already) has made me think about what I want my birthing experience to be like.

Another really interesting part of this book is that the woman who is telling these stories started nursing school in the 1960s. Of course, that was a time of great change with the civil rights movement and all of that. She also got to see the change from childbirth being strictly "women's work" and men not being allowed into the delivery room to a time where that was accepted and even encouraged.

249/365: Creepy Crawlies

Let's be honest creepy crawlies sounds better than lice. At least when it comes to the title of a blog post. Last friday when I was at court I had to sit with the child for a while and well there was lots of hugging a playing and being close in general because I had a feeling I knew what was happening in court. The child was taken into foster care and that night she told her foster mom that she had lice, which she did. I didn't find this out until today though, so needless to say my head has been itching all day because I am paranoid.

248/365: Rollin' Grandma Style

Today was the dreaded trip to Georgetown. Thankfully, there was a rental this week so I didn't have to take my own car. However, the rental was a white Crown Victoria. I really couldn't decide if I felt like I was driving my grandma's car, had stolen a cop car, or was suddenly a gangster.

247/365: Feeling Girly

All of a sudden I have this desire to paint my toe nails. I pretty much refuse to paint my fingernails because I am too much of a perfectionist and all I would do is stare at my nails and find every imperfection. My toenails are a different story, probably because they are so far away from my eyes. That being said, I not only want to paint them, I actually feel like spending money on new nail polish. This is weird. I'm turning into a girly girl.

246/365: I'm Going to Pay for This

This is the third night in a row that Seth and I have been up past midnight. Usually were in bed by 10 since Seth gets up so early for work. All I know is....it's a good thing i only have to work three days this week because I am going to pay dearly for this.

245/365: Mallard

My step-mother never ceases to amaze me with...well, a lot of the things she does. Like insisting that Seth and I take "citrus" home with us, or sending me a random card in the mail with pictures of people I don't know inside. 

Well, Seth and I came to Greenville for short stay and this is what I found at the foot of the bed. A duck in a basket. A mallard duck in a basket. There was also a framed painting of some ducks sitting on the floor near the bed, so maybe she is going with a duck theme.

What I instantly thought of when I saw the duck was the episode of the office when Dwight gives Jim a mallard duck so that he can spy on Jim after he was promoted to co-manager and given his own office. So maybe my step-mom is trying to spy on us...creepy. 

244/365: Cute Shoes

One of the things I do enjoy about my internship is having the occasion to dress nicely. Although, it usually only comes once or twice a week. Instead of casual friday, I'm dressing nicer than I have most of the week and wearing heels for a change. Actually, I don't even go in on fridays so this is about as opposite as I can get.

Yesterday

**There has been so much drama this week that taking pictures has seemed irrelevant. I've yet to decide if I want to post about the other happenings of this week, but I know for sure I need to document thursday.**

Yesterday I thought I was going to see a mother's joy when she hears her daughter is being returned to her. Five months ago this mother made the mature decision to let her daughter live with her grandmother because she knew she had her own issues to take care of. She knew she needed to do what was best for her daughter. For the first time in over two years, this mother finally decided she was ready to make a change.

I've only known her for the last four months, but in that time I have seen one of the most determined and motivated individuals I may ever meet. She has worked tirelessly to ensure that when the court date arrived she would be prepared to have her daughter placed in her care. Every monday for the last sixteen weeks I have watched her interact with her daughter and I have been impressed by the obvious bond between them. It was obvious to me when we went to the dentist and the only way her daughter was finally able to comply was when her mother told her how disappointed and sad and upset she was. This daughter wanted to please her mother because she is bonded to her and, as is normal in bonded relationships, the daughter did not want to disappoint her mother.

However, the judge did not support our recommendation for the goal. I sat in another hearing for another case earlier yesterday morning, in which the mother had similar issues as this mother. In the earlier case the mother had been doing well, but within the last six months she has regressed. It is my own personal opinion that the judge might have had that on his mind when he told this other mother that he wanted to see her continue to make progress for another six months before changing the goal. I understand the judge has to protect the children and I respect his decision, but it doesn't mean I have to agree.

Perhaps the most devastating part of the judge's decision was his decision to make the child a ward of the state. Previously, she had only been a ward of the court and was not in foster care. The child had been living with her grandmother only because the mother agreed to place the child there, not because she was court ordered to. At that point the mother still had all of her parental rights, which I think was and still is appropriate. As a ward of the state, the child will remain with her grandmother, but she is now in relative foster care.

Yesterday this case became a foster care case, instead of an intact case. Once the case went to foster care it gets reassigned to a foster care caseworker. Under normal circumstances we might expect that the case might remain in our office since we have previously worked with the family. However, we aren't operating as normal. Our intake has been closed for the current time, which means the case is going to move to another agency entirely.

I fully anticipated that last monday might possibly be the last visit I supervised. But I thought it would be the last for completely different reasons. Yesterday, we had a meeting with the mother and grandmother after court to discuss where we go from here. As we sat there it hit me that I may never see this family again. I might get to be there when we hand the case off to whatever agency gets it, but even then that is only the handoff of the child. Generally, handoffs don't include the parent too.

I have watched this mother make so much progress and work so hard. She has busted her a** to get her daughter home. (My supervisor's words exactly.) Sometimes you work so hard and it seems you have nothing to show for it. The judge tells you that the work you have done is commendable and yet he doesn't send your child home to you. Yet. My heart breaks for my client. I don't know what it is like to have your child taken away from you, but I do know what it feels like to buckle down and work hard and see nothing happen. I know what it feels like to work and feel like it is all in vain.

I hope she sees that six months is a blip on the screen in the grand scheme of things. I hope she sees that her daughter is so young she will probably not remember most of this anyway. I hope she sees the light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, six months feels like an eternity now, but what you have done is not in vain. Keep doing what you are doing, please. It will not be in vain.