Reflections On 2010

This probably isn't the greatest day for me to reflect on this year. I'm sick for the first time all year--how's that for irony?

2010 was not my favorite year. I got engaged Christmas Eve of '09, which was great but it brought the stress of wedding planning. I really did not enjoy that season of my life. There was so much drama surrounding the planning of the wedding that I still don't know if it was worth it. I was really disenchanted with all of it and realized how much emphasis our culture puts on one single day rather than the marriage that is to come. Nevertheless, I am very happy to be married and being married has been one of the greatest blessings and challenges in my life.

I remember waking up New Year's Day to frozen pipes. That was not my idea of fun. I believe they were frozen for about a week and then froze again a week later. The only good thing was that my landlord paid for the new pipes instead of me. That, and many other things have made me thankful to be a renter.

Last January I took statistics as an intensive course as a prerequisite to a masters program that I had not yet been accepted to. I took the class in faith that this masters program was where God was leading me and that I should pay for this class anyway. I really enjoyed the class and it was one of the best classes I have ever taken. No joke. I loved statistics. I even found a mistake on one of the homework assignments and corrected the professor. I took all this as a sign that this was indeed what God wanted to do.

I was accepted into that masters program and it has been challenging and not what I thought it would be in so many ways. I have made some of the greatest friends, which I did not expect at all. I am so thankful for those friends, though. I could not have made it through the last six months without their friendship. By the grace of God I somehow have a 4.0, and I am so thankful for that, although I feel so undeserving.

Overall, 2010 has been very bittersweet. Which I think is a hot word right now because of Shauna Niequist's book that was released this year. I haven't read it yet, so this is all me. The wedding planning was bitter, the marriage is sweet. Grad school is bitter, the friendships are sweet. Frozen pipes was bitter, not having to pay for new pipes is sweet.

Grace

I now know what it feels like to receive grace. Yet another thing that grad school has taught me.

By the grace of God I somehow got a 4.0 for the last semester. I can't say earned, because when it is grace it cannot be earned.

I know that I did not have what it took to get a 4.0. Well, maybe I had it, but I wasn't using it. I procrastinated too much and put in what I felt was too little, too late.

But, maybe I was trying harder than I thought. Or maybe God is faithful, even when it comes to my GPA.

I can tell you one thing, I am blessed.

What I Learned This Semester

1. Taking 20 hours of graduate classes is insanity.

2. It can be done without pulling an all-nighter.

3. However, coffee/caffeine is absolutely necessary. I revitalized my caffeine addiction.

4. It really matter what professor you take a class with. The same course with 2 different profs leads to 2 very different outcomes.

5. The class I dreaded the most was my favorite, because the prof was awesome.

6. I have never experienced so much self-doubt in my life.

7. I am losing respect for Phd's. They are so out of touch with the real world (most of them).

8. It is not possible to have a clean house during finals week.

9. I am more thankful than I have ever been to be on Christmas break.

10. I've met some of the greatest people.

Can't wait for next semester to be over!

Hiatus

So, if anyone else has taken 20 credit hours of grad classes they will understand when I say I am and have been on a blogging hiatus until Christmas break gets here.

Here's hoping I actually survive and make it there!

Things That End In -ation

The process of registration has begun. I never dreamed that registration would be so difficult. I guess I thought since the college I went to was so small and I never had any issues registering then that I wouldn't have any issues now. That was definitely some flawed logic. Whereas then I could actually make my schedule and count on it not to change, now I just write down the course numbers and when I go to register I hope that whatever is still available will all meld together somehow.

The "good" thing is that one of my classes is online and I don't have to worry about getting into it because the assistant dean has already told me that they will have to create a special spot for me. Ah, a secure spot. The bad thing is that it is an online class. I am really not looking forward to taking an online class. at. all. I've never taken one and I am kind of doubting I have the discipline it takes to be in an online class. Oh well. Guess I'm just going to have to buck up and do it. At least I don't have to drive to class.

Which brings me to my next concern. Do I take the class I really want to take or do I take the class that makes it possible for me to drive less? Or do I take the class that allows me to nanny for a really cute 1.5 year old and allows me to make a little extra money? Really, it doesn't matter what I want. It's all about what class will still have open seats in it at 6 pm tomorrow night.

Making all of this even worse is that I am stressed out by the sheer amount of homework that needs to be done in the next month. Adding to that stress is this sore feeling in my throat. I have a feeling this isn't going to end well.

Rough Week

This week has been rough.

If only just one or two of these had happened I would have been ok.

But they all happened.

-I got back two midterms which I didn't do super well on. One was deserved and I took that in stride. The other was completely ridiculous and the whole test should have been thrown out.

-My poor car was in a fender bender. The damage isn't too extensive, I just have an unhealthy attachment to the car.

-I was assigned the awful time ticket of 6 pm for registration. Last time my time was 1 pm and I didn't get into the classes I wanted.

-Speaking of registration, I have a mysterious hold on my account related to a transcript. So I can't even register at the ungodly hour of 6 pm.

-I have 5 specific classes that I must take in the spring in order to start my internship next summer. 3 of them already conflict with each other and the assistant dean is ignoring my emails.

-Speaking of ignoring my emails, I sent 4 emails to university people yesterday and none of them have responded. Am I invisible?

Ok, that's it. I will stop my whining and work my tail off the rest of the semester.

p.s. anyone know of an article that will show the C25K plan is evidence based?

Thoughts On Graduate School

I remember this time last year. I was dying to get into the U of I's School of Social Work. I prayed about it all the time. I asked pretty much everyone I knew to pray about it too. It was all I could think about. I worried about it all the time.

One year later, I am a student at the U of I's School of Social Work. Sure, I was elated a few months ago when I found out I was accepted. Now, I am more of stressed. Now, I kind of wish I wouldn't have got in and that I was out working a job that would actually be relevant to a career in social work.

I remember loathing the waiting process so much. I remember thinking it was so hard to wait on God to answer my prayers. As hard as all the waiting was, it was so much easier than actually doing what God calls you to. I don't know that I have ever wanted something so desperately and once I got it, wished it was something else.

Waiting seems so easy now. It was easy to be in limbo and easy to wait because it just required some faith. Actually going to graduate school requires so much more faith. It isn't that my actual faith is being challenged, it is that I am being challenged and it requires me to put even more faith in God.

I don't know how many times I wonder if I will make it through. Twenty hours of graduate level classes is a lot. And somehow it took me until yesterday to fully grasp that. Twenty hours of class and spending 9 hours a week in my car is more than draining.

I am learning a ton about myself. Like, I suck at time management. And I am awesome at procrastination. And I am easily distracted. Also, I am not as disciplined as I once thought I was.

This week was midterms and it showed my true colors. I was mostly unprepared for all of them, yet somehow I think I will be ok. This has been a huge wake-up call and I now have the proof that a major overhaul is in order.

Wednesday

Wednesday is always a letdown for me.

Monday and tuesday are so full that by the time I get to wednesday I want to crash.

And I usually do. I'll do some cleaning, but that is usually the most productive thing I can accomplish. Sometimes I'll cook something. Like today, I cooked a Pioneer Woman meatloaf. Yum!

Usually, this isn't a horrible issue. But tomorrow I have a midterm. That I haven't started studying for at all. And I've already had three midterms so I'm even more tired than normal.

That being said, I'm going to go study.

And eat some meatloaf.

Conversion Stories

Lately I feel like I have been spreading the good news about two things. C25K and PW.

C25K

Also known as the Couch to 5K running program. I have been doing it for two weeks and I love it. Of course, that is easy to say when I am only two weeks in. About week eight I may just want to die. I think C25K is fabulous because it gets me exercising, which makes me feel good and it isn't super hard or scary. I will confess that I am a bit intimidated at the thought of actually running a 5K. Even though I am intimidated I am confident that I will be able to run a 5K, no matter how slow, by week nine. Between the first and second week I went from running 60 second intervals to 90 second intervals. Ninety second intervals of running was intimidating at the beginning of the second week. That could just be because I am so horribly out of shape, though.

After finishing just the first two weeks I feel so empowered and motivated to complete the full nine weeks of the program. I thought the first two weeks would be so terrible and they weren't so that gives me the courage to get back out there and do it again next week. Now, if I could just find evidence-based-research to support my findings. This whole exercise thing started because of a class, you know.

PW

Pioneer Woman. Or PW for short. The Pioneer Woman is my hero. I want to be the Pioneer Woman. Go google her right now and check out her story. Or, if you're in a hurry, just know that she has changed the way I view cooking. I've always been a bit nervous in the kitchen. Especially in my kitchen, the one with the oven that doesn't have numbers on the temperature dial. Cooking is always an adventure in my kitchen. Regardless, her recipes are so simple to follow and she spells everything out for you, complete with pictures. I am obsessed with her cookbook and can't wait to own it. Until then, I will follow her blog religiously.

These two things have changed my life. I have converted to the way of the Couch to 5K and the Pioneer Woman.

Amen. (If you've read PW's blog this will make much more sense.)

Mass Transit, Part 2

I switched from the not-so-trusty blue line to the gold line.

The gold line is always on time. Sometimes it is even a minute early.

And it drops me off a block away from my building.

However.

The driver typically stops to use the restroom.

Not just anywhere though, at a port-a-potty.

Oh well, at least I'm not showing up for class late.

***Update October 2, 2010: It's official. the portapotty is an official stop of the gold line.

Mass Transit

The summer semester went so well. The bus was always on time.

All of those good times have been erased from my mind by fall '10 mass transit. The once faithful bus is not so faithful anymore.

Well, I take that back. The bus is pretty faithful, just not to the bus schedule. Typically ten minutes late or more. I had decided to tolerate it. What else could I do?

Yesterday, mass transit failed me on a new level. The bus was miraculously on time. I saw it turn the corner and breathed a sigh of relief. I stepped up to the curb, pulled out my ID card and readied myself to get on the bus. BUT the bus was not braking, the bus was not slowing down. The bus was driving past me.

What in the world had just happened? Had the bus really just driven right by me? What was I supposed to do now? Apparently this was why the bus was on time. The driver was driving right past people waiting to board.

Then the bus braked. hard. A half a block away.

I walked over and got on. The driver says, "oh, I didn't see you there. Was there a car in front of you?"

"No. I don't think so. Parking isn't allowed in front of bus stops."

There were two girls on the bus. One of them backed me up and said, "no. she was in PLAIN sight."

The other looked at me and mouthed "he's CRAZY."

Change

The process of change is pretty complicated. I tried to change the amount that I exercised over the summer and got nowhere.

I didn't think the process of changing my name would be this complicated. I thought that all of the government stuff would be complicated. But as it turns out, a quick trip to the DMV and another to the SSA office and ta-da: name changed.

Trying to change it at the U of I is a whole other process though. You would think that as the state's flagship university they could streamline their programs and offices and I could make one stop and be done. Nope. Three offices. Three in-person meetings. Good grief. Get it together, U of I.

Reinforcement

I've been thinking about reinforcement lately. Mostly because of a behavior modification project. I want to be a runner. So, I am researching the best possible methods which will cause that to happen.

I think I should make my next goal to be a good student. aka: one that doesn't procrastinate.

Perhaps I should consider consistent blogging after that?

Then I can at least have something to show for all the time I have wasted.

Life In A Small Town

Yesterday we went to get renter's insurance. Now that we actually own things that are worth insuring.

We walked over to the office because it's a small town and we can do that. All of the important places that I need to go are all close to each other. The bank. The post office. Insurance agent's office.

And...an hour and a half later we leave. Please don't let that scare you from getting renter's insurance because the process doesn't take that long. That part took about ten minutes.

The rest of the time was filled with conversations you can only have in small town and you actually get to know people. We talked about lasik, the history of the insurance company, the fact that their office is moving to the space right below us, sports (multiple times), and pretty much anything else you can imagine.

Sometimes I really like living in this black hole.

Para Mi

I have decided that I am going to post daily. With no job, I figure it's the least I can do. A little over twelve months from now when I get a real job, I can look back and see what I did when I was a stay-at-home wife.

Yes, I am a stay-at-home wife when I am not going to classes. It is nice most of the time. Except for when I feel guilty and worthless at the end of the day for not doing anything.

Thank goodness, today is not one of those days. Today I went grocery shopping. I actually had a conscious thought about supper before it was time for supper. Oh yes, I planned ahead. Go me.

About Time

For the one of you who still reads this blog, you may have noticed I've redecorated again. In fact, I redesign more than I actually post.

Much has changed since June 11, when I last posted. MUCH.

I started my first semester of grad school.

I finished my first semester of grad school.

I met a lot of really fabulous people in that semester.

I quit my job.

And one more thing, I got MARRIED.

I have a different name.

New name, new look for the blog.

Now, its back to homework for me (my new full-time job along with being a wife).

Breaking The Silence

I am sitting next to my printer, feeding it pieces of paper one-by-one so that it can print out the response cards for my wedding. What I thought would be an easy project has turned out to be the most difficult thing I have done all year. For the last two hours I have been at war with my printer, trying to coerce it into printing in the right direction. The printer may have won a few battles, but I won the war. Ah, the sweet sound of the printer humming along--the sound of victory.

God in his infinite wisdom decided that this would be a good teaching moment. About 1.5 hours into the war I thought I had finally triumphed over the printer. But the printer had won yet another battle. At this point I was at the end of my rope. In a moment of desperation, I cried out to God and asked him to show me a new way, a different way to format, anything. And guess what? He did it.

So Good

1. Let me say that God has been really good to me. He has taught me a lot about what it means to follow him and live by faith.

2. I think I might blog more if I had a desk. Or even chairs to go with my kitchen table. Yes, I have a table and no chairs. I'm excited about yard sale season because the couch is not cutting it. Mostly because I need somewhere to sit my coffee that is within arm's reach and couch cushions aren't very stable.

3. [drumroll, please] I have been accepted to the University of Illinois Graduate School of Social Work! I will start on June 14th. That is exactly 2 months before I get married. crazy. I think I am up for it though. Grad school AND marriage.

4. Spring is finally here! I boxed up one of my space heaters yesterday [2 are still out although they haven't been turned on for a few days]. I am really not going to miss winter.

5. Yesterday there were some construction workers on the roof of the building next to mine and one of them started singing "hit me baby one more time." I kid you not.

6. I am excited to start the hunt for a new apartment. There are parts of my apartment that I love [low rent, walls painted a color of my choice, the green kitchen sink]. However, there are things I do not love [lack of storage, poorly insulated, and the world's tiniest water heater].

7. I am going to do a happy dance now.

A Little Lost

I've been feeling a little lost lately. A little confused and not sure what to do with my time. I think the 20s are a very chaotic time in life. Maybe one of the circles of Hell. In trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and making big decisions, like where I'm going to live and who I'm going to marry and whatnot; I have concluded that the early 20s aren't very much fun. Maybe part of this is because I am a person who likes to be settled. I don't like moving around a lot and prefer to stay in one spot and put down roots. Right now my life is very unsettled. I don't know where I'll be living or what I'll be doing in as little as three months. I know I'll be getting married in August but I think that's the only sure thing right now. That and knowing that God is with me on this journey. That is what makes this unsettling time in life ok.

Also, I've decided to give frequent blogging another go. I have no idea what I'll be posting about, I just know its good for me to write and after reading many wonderful blogs I've decided that its about time I start documenting my life---even if I am the only one who will read it.

Engaged

After more than two months without a post, I am breaking the silence to announce....I am engaged! Seth proposed on Christmas Eve...What a great way to end 2009 and start 2010.

Isn't my ring gorgeous?I LOVE IT.