I am choosing to be thankful today instead of bitter. There are so many circumstances that I would like to be different. However, I have much to be thankful for. Today I am going to dwell on those things. Thank you, God, for what I do have.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Found Art, A Reflection
Occasionally I make a stop over at Shauna Niequist's blog to check out what she's writing since I loved her book, Cold Tangerines. About a month ago she had a list of what she had been reading. On that list was Found Art by Leeana Tankersley. Leeana married a Navy Seal and moved with him from San Diego to Bahrain, and then wrote what she learned about God, herself, and the world along the way. Shauna sent me a copy and now I am doing my part and letting you all know about it.
This book was nothing if not interesting. I read it rather quickly once I actually found time to pick it up and I couldn't wait to read the next chapter and find out what happened in Leeana's life. However, I was kind of disappointed at the end. The book is non-fiction so that means that there is really no end to the story. I want to know what happens in this woman's life all the way up to the very end, but she is still living her life. There wasn't a clear conclusion and it bothers me. Not because I think its a poor way to end a book but because I like things to be cut and dried. I want to finish a book and not be left with so many questions. I want to know what happens to Leeana, but the truth is that Leeana doesn't know what happens to Leeana in the end because she hasn't lived it yet.
And that is really how I approach my life at times too. I want to know everything in advance. I like to plan and I hat not knowing what comes next. There seems to be this theme in my life right now--of not knowing what comes next. At some point I've got to figure out what God is trying to show me in the everyday. Thanks to Leeana for writing something that got inside of me and reminded me that there is a purpose to every season in life.
Monday, November 2, 2009
A Step Of Faith
Last tuesday I received a phone call from my last reference saying that she had submitted everything necessary, thus making my application complete.That call came about an hour after I got out of a meeting with my adviser, in which I told her I was quitting the program at the Seminary and informed her of my plans. She was very affirming of my decision and the meeting went really well. When I listened to the voicemail my reference left, I felt that was God's way of affirming my decision. I feel like all along the way I take little steps of faith and then God affirms them. For example, I applied and then found out I needed to take a stats class. It just so happens that LCU is offering a stats class as an intensive week (meaning I can get the pain over with in a week). My adviser then told me via email that stats class probably wouldn't work because most grad programs want a 4 or 5 hour stats class and LCU's is only 3. I emailed over to the U of I and found out within minutes that a 3 hour class is fine.
I now find myself in the land of waiting though. The School of Social Work's website gave me the impression that they review your application as soon as it is complete and let you know as soon as they have made a decision. Apparently that is not the case. I found out on friday that decision letters are not sent out until mid-March. That is a little over 4 months from now and I can do NOTHING. Lovely.
I am left with two options: 1) apply like mad to other programs or 2) wait. Choice #1 was my initial response. Social work programs only take new applicants in the fall so I feel like it is really important to be in one come fall 2010. However, after looking at several other programs I don't feel like any of them compare to the U of I. To put it bluntly, I feel like the U of I program was tailor-made for ME. It just seems like a great fit. It's one of the cheaper (cheap is relative) programs and also the shortest. They cater to those who have a bachelor's in an area other than social work. All of those things seem to be leading me to option #2: waiting. Although many around have assured me that U of I would be crazy not to let me it, I am not so confident. There is always the possibility that I will not be accepted. In some ways, I think this is another step of faith--a really big step--probably more like a leap off a cliff or something.
I know that I could apply to a ton of schools or just one and both of those options require faith. Initially I thought I was making the decision too spiritual by saying I would trust in God to get me into the U of I program. I'm not saying that their is anything particularly holy about their program (or any program), just that I feel called to be there. And if I feel like God has called me to be there I should trust that he's going to work it out.
I now find myself in the land of waiting though. The School of Social Work's website gave me the impression that they review your application as soon as it is complete and let you know as soon as they have made a decision. Apparently that is not the case. I found out on friday that decision letters are not sent out until mid-March. That is a little over 4 months from now and I can do NOTHING. Lovely.
I am left with two options: 1) apply like mad to other programs or 2) wait. Choice #1 was my initial response. Social work programs only take new applicants in the fall so I feel like it is really important to be in one come fall 2010. However, after looking at several other programs I don't feel like any of them compare to the U of I. To put it bluntly, I feel like the U of I program was tailor-made for ME. It just seems like a great fit. It's one of the cheaper (cheap is relative) programs and also the shortest. They cater to those who have a bachelor's in an area other than social work. All of those things seem to be leading me to option #2: waiting. Although many around have assured me that U of I would be crazy not to let me it, I am not so confident. There is always the possibility that I will not be accepted. In some ways, I think this is another step of faith--a really big step--probably more like a leap off a cliff or something.
I know that I could apply to a ton of schools or just one and both of those options require faith. Initially I thought I was making the decision too spiritual by saying I would trust in God to get me into the U of I program. I'm not saying that their is anything particularly holy about their program (or any program), just that I feel called to be there. And if I feel like God has called me to be there I should trust that he's going to work it out.
Monday, October 26, 2009
What's That?
Oh, it's been a month since I've posted?
Really? I hadn't noticed. That's right, I've been in the busiest six weeks of my life. I'm glad to say they are drawing to a close with the end of one of my classes. I haven't done the greatest work in there because I've been more focused on getting to the U of I, but I could have let my work slide for far worse things.
Speaking of the U of I, I am still on pins and needles. There is one more document that needs to be submitted before they will review my application so I am essentially right where I was a month ago. I cannot do anything at this point to speed up the process. All I can do is wait. And badger the person who is responsible for that last document. Which I have been doing, but to no avail.
For whatever reason, I feel a strange peace about the whole situation. It's strange because it comes and goes and I would rather it stayed around for awhile. Somehow I know that God has it all under control and I don't need to worry about where I am going. Many other things have worked out in this situation (like LCU offering a stats class as an intensive week, thus giving me a semester off) so I am confident that the outcome should be good once it gets here. All in the Lord's good time, I suppose.
Really? I hadn't noticed. That's right, I've been in the busiest six weeks of my life. I'm glad to say they are drawing to a close with the end of one of my classes. I haven't done the greatest work in there because I've been more focused on getting to the U of I, but I could have let my work slide for far worse things.
Speaking of the U of I, I am still on pins and needles. There is one more document that needs to be submitted before they will review my application so I am essentially right where I was a month ago. I cannot do anything at this point to speed up the process. All I can do is wait. And badger the person who is responsible for that last document. Which I have been doing, but to no avail.
For whatever reason, I feel a strange peace about the whole situation. It's strange because it comes and goes and I would rather it stayed around for awhile. Somehow I know that God has it all under control and I don't need to worry about where I am going. Many other things have worked out in this situation (like LCU offering a stats class as an intensive week, thus giving me a semester off) so I am confident that the outcome should be good once it gets here. All in the Lord's good time, I suppose.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Waiting
I did it. I applied for the MSW program at the U of I. And now I am waiting. Waiting is dangerous for me. Waiting sends me into apathy. I know that what I am doing right now is not what I'll be doing a year from now and I stop caring. I have yet to do any homework this week because I have been consumed with the application process. Once I decide to so something there is no stopping me. All of that other stuff that still needs to get done takes a backseat. In fact, all of that other stuff is taking a backseat to me updating my blog. All of that other stuff is roughly 9 pages of paper that have yet to be written and 100 pages that have yet to be read. Prayers are welcome and coveted. For everything.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Changes, Changes, Changes
Most of you probably know that I just started the Master of Arts in Counseling program at Lincoln Christian Seminary. I was feeling pretty good about this decision until I started doing the reading for my first counseling class. The particular reading was all about proper diagnostic interviewing in order to prove medical necessity so that third-party payers (insurance companies) can be billed.
And I realized that I didn't want to do that. A lot of people do not have access to health insurance and there are people who need the help of a counselor but they lack the resources to do so. That is the segment of the population I want to work with.
That being said, I have decided to pursue a Masters of Social Work (MSW). I have no idea where, but I know that this will be my only semester at LCS (or LCU). I am going to finish my classes for this semester and take classes at a community college next semester so that I am ready to start the MSW.
Overall I feel really good about this decision, but at the same time it is really overwhelming and I greatly covet prayers. I'm not guaranteed by any means to even get into a MSW program and if I do then there is another level of overwhelming. The whole time I was in Thailand I wondered what God was trying to prepare me for and I think this is it.
Questions? Ask.
And I realized that I didn't want to do that. A lot of people do not have access to health insurance and there are people who need the help of a counselor but they lack the resources to do so. That is the segment of the population I want to work with.
That being said, I have decided to pursue a Masters of Social Work (MSW). I have no idea where, but I know that this will be my only semester at LCS (or LCU). I am going to finish my classes for this semester and take classes at a community college next semester so that I am ready to start the MSW.
Overall I feel really good about this decision, but at the same time it is really overwhelming and I greatly covet prayers. I'm not guaranteed by any means to even get into a MSW program and if I do then there is another level of overwhelming. The whole time I was in Thailand I wondered what God was trying to prepare me for and I think this is it.
Questions? Ask.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
On Behalf Of Cashiers Everywhere
Dear Customer,
When I ask how you are I'm just trying to be polite and make some conversation. I don't need to hear your whole life story, about how your brother is a terrible dad and you could do a much better job.
On the occasion that you are kind enough to ask me how I am, please accept that I am doing fine as I say instead of accusing me of less than that. Please don't tell me that I need to smile more. Do I come to your job and tell you how to do your job?
If you couldn't find something you desperately needed I am sorry. However, it is not my fault. I am not in charge of stocking shelves; I am a cashier. I do not have the entire layout and exact product locations memorized; I am a human, not a machine. You probably didn't need it that badly anyway.
On that note, if something rings up the wrong price it is not my fault. I am merely the messenger, unfortunately for me. I am not a mind reader. I do not magically know which products are on sale and exactly how much everything should ring up. So be polite and tell me something rang up wrong instead of biting my head off. It isn't my fault.
If you have a suggestion for the store that's fine. However, I am not the person to tell. I am in one location the whole time and when I go to break or to lunch or leave to go home the last thing I want to do is go track down a manager or anyone else to tell them this brilliant idea a customer had.
You can tell me all day long how much you hate this store and how much you hate shopping here but the fact remains that you are buying stuff from said store. If you hate it as much as you say, please, let your money do the talking and shop somewhere else. Also, has it occurred to you that as much as you hate shopping in said store I probably do not enjoy working in said store, especially when having to deal with irate customers such as yourself.
Please do not curse at me. I did not make you choose to shop here. I did not force you to come through my check-out line. I am most certainly not the reason you have obnoxious children that are making you spend all of your money.
If you claim to be a Christian [Yes, I noticed. You have crosses and/or bible verses on your checks, you are wearing a lame t-shirt that somehow references Christianity, you are claiming tax-exempt status on behalf of a church] please be polite at the least. If you are a pastor, I expect that all the more. After all, you are supposed to be a leader. Sadly I must say that some of the rudest and most arrogant customers are Christians, pastors at that. Thankfully not every Christian is so rude and some are genuinely interested in me as a person.
Oh, and if you are passing out religious tracts, please keep on moving. I do not need reading material for my break. I don't mean this out of arrogance but I likely know more about the Bible than you do (after all I do have a college degree from a BIBLE college). Not only that it is a poor evangelical strategy for the culture in which we live. And I'll probably never see you again anyway. If I did show up to your church would you even know who I was?
Speaking of that college degree, could you not treat me like an idiot? Because I'm not. Just because I am a cashier now, doesn't mean that I will be forever and it doesn't mean that I am less than human. Please treat me with some respect.
If you are on public aid, please be pleasant at the least. I'm sorry if your food stamps don't pay for you to eat from the deli or buy energy drinks or a pez dispenser for your kid; you already have 5 bags of chips in your cart, cupcakes, and 2 cases of soda in your cart.
If the light above my register is no illuminated I am closed, I am not taking customers; it's fairly simple, it doesn't even require you to read. Furthermore, if there is a "lane closed" sign at the end of my register, I am closed. Do I come to your workplace and ask you to delay your break for me? If you have a link (food stamps) card you are not exempt from this. If you ask me if paying with a link card makes a difference I will say, "no, I am still closed." You have now shown me that your mostly lazy and expect me to make an exception for you like the government has. Sorry, not happening.
If you are on the phone, hang up. Tell whoever you are talking to that there is a living, breathing person standing right in front of you that deserves to be treated like a human and not like a machine.
I think that's it. Have a good day.
Your cashier.
P.S. There are not elves who work in the back and can make any item you want magically appear.
[This is in no way a slam against ALL Christians or ALL people on government aid. I am generalizing my experiences and stating what seems to be the norm.]
When I ask how you are I'm just trying to be polite and make some conversation. I don't need to hear your whole life story, about how your brother is a terrible dad and you could do a much better job.
On the occasion that you are kind enough to ask me how I am, please accept that I am doing fine as I say instead of accusing me of less than that. Please don't tell me that I need to smile more. Do I come to your job and tell you how to do your job?
If you couldn't find something you desperately needed I am sorry. However, it is not my fault. I am not in charge of stocking shelves; I am a cashier. I do not have the entire layout and exact product locations memorized; I am a human, not a machine. You probably didn't need it that badly anyway.
On that note, if something rings up the wrong price it is not my fault. I am merely the messenger, unfortunately for me. I am not a mind reader. I do not magically know which products are on sale and exactly how much everything should ring up. So be polite and tell me something rang up wrong instead of biting my head off. It isn't my fault.
If you have a suggestion for the store that's fine. However, I am not the person to tell. I am in one location the whole time and when I go to break or to lunch or leave to go home the last thing I want to do is go track down a manager or anyone else to tell them this brilliant idea a customer had.
You can tell me all day long how much you hate this store and how much you hate shopping here but the fact remains that you are buying stuff from said store. If you hate it as much as you say, please, let your money do the talking and shop somewhere else. Also, has it occurred to you that as much as you hate shopping in said store I probably do not enjoy working in said store, especially when having to deal with irate customers such as yourself.
Please do not curse at me. I did not make you choose to shop here. I did not force you to come through my check-out line. I am most certainly not the reason you have obnoxious children that are making you spend all of your money.
If you claim to be a Christian [Yes, I noticed. You have crosses and/or bible verses on your checks, you are wearing a lame t-shirt that somehow references Christianity, you are claiming tax-exempt status on behalf of a church] please be polite at the least. If you are a pastor, I expect that all the more. After all, you are supposed to be a leader. Sadly I must say that some of the rudest and most arrogant customers are Christians, pastors at that. Thankfully not every Christian is so rude and some are genuinely interested in me as a person.
Oh, and if you are passing out religious tracts, please keep on moving. I do not need reading material for my break. I don't mean this out of arrogance but I likely know more about the Bible than you do (after all I do have a college degree from a BIBLE college). Not only that it is a poor evangelical strategy for the culture in which we live. And I'll probably never see you again anyway. If I did show up to your church would you even know who I was?
Speaking of that college degree, could you not treat me like an idiot? Because I'm not. Just because I am a cashier now, doesn't mean that I will be forever and it doesn't mean that I am less than human. Please treat me with some respect.
If you are on public aid, please be pleasant at the least. I'm sorry if your food stamps don't pay for you to eat from the deli or buy energy drinks or a pez dispenser for your kid; you already have 5 bags of chips in your cart, cupcakes, and 2 cases of soda in your cart.
If the light above my register is no illuminated I am closed, I am not taking customers; it's fairly simple, it doesn't even require you to read. Furthermore, if there is a "lane closed" sign at the end of my register, I am closed. Do I come to your workplace and ask you to delay your break for me? If you have a link (food stamps) card you are not exempt from this. If you ask me if paying with a link card makes a difference I will say, "no, I am still closed." You have now shown me that your mostly lazy and expect me to make an exception for you like the government has. Sorry, not happening.
If you are on the phone, hang up. Tell whoever you are talking to that there is a living, breathing person standing right in front of you that deserves to be treated like a human and not like a machine.
I think that's it. Have a good day.
Your cashier.
P.S. There are not elves who work in the back and can make any item you want magically appear.
[This is in no way a slam against ALL Christians or ALL people on government aid. I am generalizing my experiences and stating what seems to be the norm.]
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Worry, Doubt, And Practical Atheism
I remember feeling overwhelmed during the first week of classes my freshman year of college---good ol' syllabus shock. Having only written one paper in high school (and only four pages at that) I was not prepared to write multiple papers over a 15 week period. Well, I did and I survived. Looking back I wonder why I was so freaked out by those syllabi.
I am hoping that in December I will look back and wonder why I was so freaked out in August. I have only seen one of three syllabi and already I am dreading the workload that this semester will bring. I feel like a freshman again. I feel just as unprepared as I did then. I haven't written a paper in nearly ten months. I haven't been in a classroom for ten months. It just feels weird to even walk around on campus. I am wondering how on earth I will ever get through the next two to three years.
To be honest I am filled with a lot of worry and doubt. I am doubting my own abilities and I am worried that seminary will just be too hard. I am also remembering that someone once said worry and doubt are practical atheism. So I am going to choose to trust God. To trust that I am right where he wants me to be.
I am hoping that in December I will look back and wonder why I was so freaked out in August. I have only seen one of three syllabi and already I am dreading the workload that this semester will bring. I feel like a freshman again. I feel just as unprepared as I did then. I haven't written a paper in nearly ten months. I haven't been in a classroom for ten months. It just feels weird to even walk around on campus. I am wondering how on earth I will ever get through the next two to three years.
To be honest I am filled with a lot of worry and doubt. I am doubting my own abilities and I am worried that seminary will just be too hard. I am also remembering that someone once said worry and doubt are practical atheism. So I am going to choose to trust God. To trust that I am right where he wants me to be.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Community
I'm not really sure if it is part of the culture readjustment or just part of my personality, but I am finding that it is really hard to live in community. I know that living in community is good for me, but I don't enjoy it all the time. I even caught myself missing Thailand yesterday because of the independence. And not having to answer to anyone. And having everything the way I want it.
After indulging the introvert in me for four months it is really hard to live with other people. It is really hard to be ok with my stuff getting used and moved and what not. Sometimes its just really hard to be around people in general. Even when they are just minding their own business, they are still there, unintentionally looking over my shoulder, knowing what I am doing and holding me accountable. This is a good thing for spiritual formation--and spiritual formation can be painful.
That being said, I am lucky enough to see my two closest friends everyday. This is a blessing that I often forget and overlook. With that in mind, I don't really miss Thailand all that much. Even my weird neighbor here is better than the weird neighbors who spoke Swiss-German all the time.
Thailand was such a weird time in my life. I hated being away from everyone. After living in a dorm full of girls for four years there was something refreshing about someone always being around. Then I went to Thailand. And now its back to community and its challenges.
After indulging the introvert in me for four months it is really hard to live with other people. It is really hard to be ok with my stuff getting used and moved and what not. Sometimes its just really hard to be around people in general. Even when they are just minding their own business, they are still there, unintentionally looking over my shoulder, knowing what I am doing and holding me accountable. This is a good thing for spiritual formation--and spiritual formation can be painful.
That being said, I am lucky enough to see my two closest friends everyday. This is a blessing that I often forget and overlook. With that in mind, I don't really miss Thailand all that much. Even my weird neighbor here is better than the weird neighbors who spoke Swiss-German all the time.
Thailand was such a weird time in my life. I hated being away from everyone. After living in a dorm full of girls for four years there was something refreshing about someone always being around. Then I went to Thailand. And now its back to community and its challenges.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Quick Takes For July
- I've watched Gran Torino a few times this summer and each time I am moved by the crosscultural relationship that is able to develop in the heart of America. The Hmong people group have a prominent role in the film, a people group that is rooted in Southeast Asia.
- At the beginning of July I was able to go to Milwaukee with Seth's family to see a couple Mets games. It was super fun and I got to experience my first sausage race.
- I'm finding that life in general is making me be more proactive and I'm not sure I'd be handling it so well if it weren't for Thailand. This one is hard to explain, but it basically adds up to me standing up for myself a lot more and not just reacting to things that happen to me.
- Next week I get to see Tim, Jamie and Preston-I am super excited to see them again.
- I am really enjoying living in an apartment and relishing in the fact that I don't have to move back into the dorms in the fall, or ever.
- I barely made a post this month---must be more proactive in the area of blogging!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Update-A-Rama
I must say I feel a little guilty for going over three weeks without blogging. Then again, Lincoln is slightly less exciting than Thailand.
The major highlight (or is it lowlight?) of the last three weeks is going back to the Mart. It's nice to have an income again and I did miss some of the people I work with. What I didn't miss was people treating me as though I am completely incompetent, random guys who think it is acceptable to flirt in a checkout line, and being treated miserably by people who have Bible verses on their checks. This blog could almost become a chronicle of all the bizarre happenings at the Mart --and that would be a sad, sad thing.
Moving on.
Some of you may know that I visited the emergency room a little over a month ago. I was dehydrated and having been dehydrated before I knew that what I really needed was an IV because I was throwing up any liquid that tried to enter my body. Upon arrival at the ER I was accused of being bulimic by the emergency room doctor. There is no way I could ever be bulimic. I like food way too much. It's not my fault that I had been eating mostly rice and living in a tropical climate for the four previous months. It also isn't my fault that those things might lead to weight loss--it certainly wasn't my intention. A couple hours and one IV bag later I was able to return home. Did I mention that this all happened at one in the morning? That did not make for a restful night's sleep.
Ironically, I sent in the application to have health insurance earlier that day. Although it was supposed to be effective starting that day, the company opted to start my coverage once the paperwork had been processed --June 10th. That day I also received my hospital bill in the mail --my 2 hour visit cost me over $1000. As any normal person would, I panicked. After having time to regroup and calm down I called the hospital to set up a payment plan. Fortunately for me, the hospital had a financial assistance program. I turned in my application in person yesterday morning and prepared myself to wait a few weeks to find out the decision of the hospital board. Much to my surprise one of Abraham Lincoln Memorial's financial counselors called me yesterday afternoon--the hospital board had agreed to cover one hundred percent of my bill.
"This poor man called, and Yahweh heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of Yahweh encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that Yahweh is good; blessed is the man that takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:6-8
The major highlight (or is it lowlight?) of the last three weeks is going back to the Mart. It's nice to have an income again and I did miss some of the people I work with. What I didn't miss was people treating me as though I am completely incompetent, random guys who think it is acceptable to flirt in a checkout line, and being treated miserably by people who have Bible verses on their checks. This blog could almost become a chronicle of all the bizarre happenings at the Mart --and that would be a sad, sad thing.
Moving on.
Some of you may know that I visited the emergency room a little over a month ago. I was dehydrated and having been dehydrated before I knew that what I really needed was an IV because I was throwing up any liquid that tried to enter my body. Upon arrival at the ER I was accused of being bulimic by the emergency room doctor. There is no way I could ever be bulimic. I like food way too much. It's not my fault that I had been eating mostly rice and living in a tropical climate for the four previous months. It also isn't my fault that those things might lead to weight loss--it certainly wasn't my intention. A couple hours and one IV bag later I was able to return home. Did I mention that this all happened at one in the morning? That did not make for a restful night's sleep.
Ironically, I sent in the application to have health insurance earlier that day. Although it was supposed to be effective starting that day, the company opted to start my coverage once the paperwork had been processed --June 10th. That day I also received my hospital bill in the mail --my 2 hour visit cost me over $1000. As any normal person would, I panicked. After having time to regroup and calm down I called the hospital to set up a payment plan. Fortunately for me, the hospital had a financial assistance program. I turned in my application in person yesterday morning and prepared myself to wait a few weeks to find out the decision of the hospital board. Much to my surprise one of Abraham Lincoln Memorial's financial counselors called me yesterday afternoon--the hospital board had agreed to cover one hundred percent of my bill.
"This poor man called, and Yahweh heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of Yahweh encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that Yahweh is good; blessed is the man that takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:6-8
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Reflecting On Thailand
Now that I have been back almost a month I suppose it is time for me to share my thoughts on the internship as a whole. I really have been putting this post off, somewhat in hopes that people will forget about it. That hasn't happened though and I suppose it is for the best because I do need to actually process the four months I spent in Thailand and this is one way to do that.
I don't think it is going to surprise anyone when I say I didn't enjoy the majority of my internship. Part of it was culture shock. Not necessarily to the Thai culture, but more to everything and everyone being new. Being in Thailand just added to the intensity of the shock. Although I didn't enjoy culture shock, I know that I will probably deal with it again --whether in the states or abroad --and I think that I will be able to handle it better then because of my experience in Thailand. The other less than enjoyable part of my internship involved interpersonal conflict. I've said enough about it in other posts so I'm not going to say a lot here. I do know that conflict is inevitable in life and I'll work with difficult people again so I suppose this was just preparation for the future.
At the time it was really hard for me to see the positive things, but looking back it is a lot easier to see them. Meeting the Edwards' Family was definitely a blessing. I am so grateful that they opened their home to me and let me share this chapter of life with them.
I can tell that I have definitely changed because of my time in Thailand. One of the biggest issues I struggled with in Thailand was self-worth. I was constantly stressed while I was there; not because of the busyness but the fear that I was going to do something wrong. Also, since everyone was new I felt the pressure to live up to everyone's expectations of me ---natural born people-pleaser that I am. And part of it was just that I didn't really have a lot of feedback from anyone. Through this experience I really learned about finding my worth in God and seeking His approval rather than man's. I certainly haven't come close to mastering this but I feel like I have made a lot of strides toward that goal ---a lot more than I would have had I been in my comfort zone.
Another positive is that I have learned what I don't want to do. I don't want to be a missionary, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Although I believe with all that I am that church planting and Bible translation are vitally important to the heart of God, I don't feel called to do either one nor do I feel gifted to do either. My internship (which was for a missions degree) definitely confirmed for me that God is calling me in a slightly different direction. In the fall I will start the Masters in Counseling program at Lincoln Christian Seminary. I'm really looking forward to starting classes. I took a few counseling classes as part of my undergrad degree which made me want to do further study. As of now I'm not sure what direction I will go in after finishing my masters, but I'm leaning towards something like social work.
One of the greatest spiritual lessons I have ever learned was learned in Thailand. I learned that our real work as Christ-followers is to do whatever God calls us to, even if it is boring or uncomfortable or if no one ever hears about it or it seems irrelevant. God calls us to be faithful even when what he is calling us to doesn't make sense. This is what I tried so hard to do while I was in Thailand: be faithful when I was bored, uncomfortable, alone, and feeling irrelevant.
Even though I plan to continue blogging this seems to be a good place to thank everyone for reading my blog, praying for me, sending encouraging emails, etc. I know that without your support this reflection could be sounding a lot different. Even though Thailand wasn't enjoyable, at least I can say that I learned a lot about life ---and I can say I rode an elephant, which sounds pretty cool!
Another positive is that I have learned what I don't want to do. I don't want to be a missionary, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Although I believe with all that I am that church planting and Bible translation are vitally important to the heart of God, I don't feel called to do either one nor do I feel gifted to do either. My internship (which was for a missions degree) definitely confirmed for me that God is calling me in a slightly different direction. In the fall I will start the Masters in Counseling program at Lincoln Christian Seminary. I'm really looking forward to starting classes. I took a few counseling classes as part of my undergrad degree which made me want to do further study. As of now I'm not sure what direction I will go in after finishing my masters, but I'm leaning towards something like social work.
One of the greatest spiritual lessons I have ever learned was learned in Thailand. I learned that our real work as Christ-followers is to do whatever God calls us to, even if it is boring or uncomfortable or if no one ever hears about it or it seems irrelevant. God calls us to be faithful even when what he is calling us to doesn't make sense. This is what I tried so hard to do while I was in Thailand: be faithful when I was bored, uncomfortable, alone, and feeling irrelevant.
Even though I plan to continue blogging this seems to be a good place to thank everyone for reading my blog, praying for me, sending encouraging emails, etc. I know that without your support this reflection could be sounding a lot different. Even though Thailand wasn't enjoyable, at least I can say that I learned a lot about life ---and I can say I rode an elephant, which sounds pretty cool!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Thoughts From Graduation
At graduation we sang the song Blessed Be Your Name. Part of the song says, "blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name." That song hit me like a brick wall because for the first time since I don't know when I contemplated the implications of what I was saying. I was confronted by those lyrics becasue that isn't exactly what I did the last four months. There was a lot of pain in those months and I'll just go ahead and admit that there wasn't a lot of praise. Since I can't go back and undo things, I am going to choose from this point on to praise, even when there's pain. Even when it doesn't make a lot of sense. Because God is sovereign and he works all things for good.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Let Me Catch My Breath
This isn't either one of the promised posts, but it is something that needs to be shared.
I never realized just how slow life was in Thailand until I got back to the states. I feel like I have been running the whole time I've been back (it's only been a week). Today is the first time that I have been able to actually sit and not feel obligated to do something, although I am typing this blog and I felt obligated to do that. I don't even know how to sit still anymore. It is like being back in the states makes me just want to do and do and do some more. Maybe part of it is that i just moved into an apartment and I'm still unpacking and getting organized. I just don't know.
I keep noticing the most random things that are different between Thailand and Illinois (there are many obvious differences). Like everyone wearing shoes indoors. Or the fact that I am wearing a coat inside and I am still cold. Or the soft and comfy furniture. And carpet. And I'm not in the minority anymore as a caucasian.
When I arrived in Chiang Mai, I am sure I described myself as overwhelmed more than a few times. What surprised me (kinda) is that I felt overwhelmed coming home. It was so weird to go to church on sunday and know the majority of the people there. The overwhelming part was knowing that they all wanted to talk to me and I had kinda been anti-social for the last four months. (Ok...I wasn't anti-social, but people weren't lining up to talk to me.) It is a really strange dichotomy what happened: to people I know really well I will talk, talk, and talk some more, about totally random things too; however, with acquaintances I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible. It was also weird to come home to two closets full of stuff. It was overwhelming to pick out something to wear after having about seven outfits to choose from in Thailand. I guess moving 4 days after I got back wasn't the brightest idea either, but I did and I feel a lot less overwhelmed about that than I did a week ago.
So, now I am just trying to find a new normal in my life. Trying to find a rhythm again. Learning yet again how to budget my time. Trying to figure out the good things that came from Thailand. Trying to figure out where to go from here.
I never realized just how slow life was in Thailand until I got back to the states. I feel like I have been running the whole time I've been back (it's only been a week). Today is the first time that I have been able to actually sit and not feel obligated to do something, although I am typing this blog and I felt obligated to do that. I don't even know how to sit still anymore. It is like being back in the states makes me just want to do and do and do some more. Maybe part of it is that i just moved into an apartment and I'm still unpacking and getting organized. I just don't know.
I keep noticing the most random things that are different between Thailand and Illinois (there are many obvious differences). Like everyone wearing shoes indoors. Or the fact that I am wearing a coat inside and I am still cold. Or the soft and comfy furniture. And carpet. And I'm not in the minority anymore as a caucasian.
When I arrived in Chiang Mai, I am sure I described myself as overwhelmed more than a few times. What surprised me (kinda) is that I felt overwhelmed coming home. It was so weird to go to church on sunday and know the majority of the people there. The overwhelming part was knowing that they all wanted to talk to me and I had kinda been anti-social for the last four months. (Ok...I wasn't anti-social, but people weren't lining up to talk to me.) It is a really strange dichotomy what happened: to people I know really well I will talk, talk, and talk some more, about totally random things too; however, with acquaintances I try to avoid talking to them as much as possible. It was also weird to come home to two closets full of stuff. It was overwhelming to pick out something to wear after having about seven outfits to choose from in Thailand. I guess moving 4 days after I got back wasn't the brightest idea either, but I did and I feel a lot less overwhelmed about that than I did a week ago.
So, now I am just trying to find a new normal in my life. Trying to find a rhythm again. Learning yet again how to budget my time. Trying to figure out the good things that came from Thailand. Trying to figure out where to go from here.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Back In the U.S.A.
I'm home. It's kinda weird. In a good way. Well, except for the jet lag--it's weird in a bad way. I am not a fan of waking up at 4 am. But I am a fan of seeing people I haven't seen for 4 months so I suppose it's a fair trade, if not slightly weighted in my favor.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
A Preview of What's to Come
Coming soon: a blog dedicated to the people I have met in Thailand that have made me a better person. After that, a reflection on the last four months, what I've learned and what not.
I can't believe I only have three days left here. I am beyond ready to be back, though. The flight(s) back should be interesting and I would really appreciate your prayers, especially considering the 9 minute layover that I have in Atlanta.
See you all soon!
I just burnt my thumb lighting the stove, in case anyone wondered.
I can't believe I only have three days left here. I am beyond ready to be back, though. The flight(s) back should be interesting and I would really appreciate your prayers, especially considering the 9 minute layover that I have in Atlanta.
See you all soon!
I just burnt my thumb lighting the stove, in case anyone wondered.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
One By One the Ants Are Stealing My Sanity
This week has been one of many, many, many run-ins with ants. I am sick of it, to be quite honest.
It all started on sunday night, after I returned from housesitting. I walk into the kitchen to find ants crawling all over the water filter. It was easy enough to clean them up so I tried not to freak out about the sudden appearance of ants in the kitchen.
Wednesday night I came back to my room, opened up my laptop and it was covered with ants. I had seen an ant or two on my computer before, but never this many. For some strange reason, unbeknown to me, ants like the heat. I doused my desk with ant killer, but I was really at a loss and had no idea how to get rid of the ones still on and in my laptop. After all, I can't just spray ant killer all over my computer. Finally, I settled for spraying the table with ant killer, wiping it up with a tissue and then wiping the tissue over my computer. That seemed to work, but after an hour the ants were back. So, I wiped it down again and stuck it in my laptop case, hoping that would prevent more ants from moving in. Thursday morning when I pulled my laptop out of its case I saw at least twenty to thirty dead ants inside the case. Since then I have been storing the laptop in its case when I am not using it and it seems to be working so far.
Kitchen, Round 2: I spent all of today (saturday) sitting in the office, in the air conditioning. I came back to the dorm at 6 and I walk into the kitchen and there is trash on the floor. Not just any trash either ---garbage. We're talking eggshells and some other sticky substance which I couldn't quite identify. The first thing that peeved me was that the other person who uses the kitchen had just walked out and left the mess on the floor, yet had the courtesy to tell me he thought the dogs had gotten inside and went through the garbage. I (not so) graciously swept up the eggshells and various other debris on the kitchen floor. It was then that I noticed thing number two that really set me off---stickiness on the floor. I found a rag and scrubbed it, thankful that the ants hadn't gotten there yet. When I looked at my hands I realized I was wrong because there were ants on them...some dead, some alive.
Kitchen, Round 3: This actually happened on friday night, but I didn't notice it til today. All day friday, I was helping homeschool a couple of the dorm kids and then I hung around and kept an eye on the dorm so that the dorm parents could have a day off. I come back to the kitchen friday night long enough to grab a bottle of water and notice that there is an empty ice cream carton on the counter. Apparently, that infamous other person who I happen to share the kitchen with had some friends over and they hadn't cleaned up. Ok, whatever. Tonight I was getting some water out of the hot water pot (I don't really know what else to call it because it isn't a kettle) and noticed there are ants all over the counter...in the exact spot where the empty ice cream carton was left. The carton had been rinsed out and washed, but evidently the counter had not. I got out the ant killer and killed the ants. Again.
One by one the ants are taking my sanity. And my goodwill towards the people I live with.
My sanity is also slipping away as the temperatures rise higher and higher. This morning it was 92° in my room. Outside it was only 78°. Lucky me. My room has windows facing all the wrong ways so it doesn't really cool down at night and since houses are built out of concrete here, they don't really breathe either; they just hold the heat in. I can't wait to return to cool IL.
It all started on sunday night, after I returned from housesitting. I walk into the kitchen to find ants crawling all over the water filter. It was easy enough to clean them up so I tried not to freak out about the sudden appearance of ants in the kitchen.
Wednesday night I came back to my room, opened up my laptop and it was covered with ants. I had seen an ant or two on my computer before, but never this many. For some strange reason, unbeknown to me, ants like the heat. I doused my desk with ant killer, but I was really at a loss and had no idea how to get rid of the ones still on and in my laptop. After all, I can't just spray ant killer all over my computer. Finally, I settled for spraying the table with ant killer, wiping it up with a tissue and then wiping the tissue over my computer. That seemed to work, but after an hour the ants were back. So, I wiped it down again and stuck it in my laptop case, hoping that would prevent more ants from moving in. Thursday morning when I pulled my laptop out of its case I saw at least twenty to thirty dead ants inside the case. Since then I have been storing the laptop in its case when I am not using it and it seems to be working so far.
Kitchen, Round 2: I spent all of today (saturday) sitting in the office, in the air conditioning. I came back to the dorm at 6 and I walk into the kitchen and there is trash on the floor. Not just any trash either ---garbage. We're talking eggshells and some other sticky substance which I couldn't quite identify. The first thing that peeved me was that the other person who uses the kitchen had just walked out and left the mess on the floor, yet had the courtesy to tell me he thought the dogs had gotten inside and went through the garbage. I (not so) graciously swept up the eggshells and various other debris on the kitchen floor. It was then that I noticed thing number two that really set me off---stickiness on the floor. I found a rag and scrubbed it, thankful that the ants hadn't gotten there yet. When I looked at my hands I realized I was wrong because there were ants on them...some dead, some alive.
Kitchen, Round 3: This actually happened on friday night, but I didn't notice it til today. All day friday, I was helping homeschool a couple of the dorm kids and then I hung around and kept an eye on the dorm so that the dorm parents could have a day off. I come back to the kitchen friday night long enough to grab a bottle of water and notice that there is an empty ice cream carton on the counter. Apparently, that infamous other person who I happen to share the kitchen with had some friends over and they hadn't cleaned up. Ok, whatever. Tonight I was getting some water out of the hot water pot (I don't really know what else to call it because it isn't a kettle) and noticed there are ants all over the counter...in the exact spot where the empty ice cream carton was left. The carton had been rinsed out and washed, but evidently the counter had not. I got out the ant killer and killed the ants. Again.
One by one the ants are taking my sanity. And my goodwill towards the people I live with.
My sanity is also slipping away as the temperatures rise higher and higher. This morning it was 92° in my room. Outside it was only 78°. Lucky me. My room has windows facing all the wrong ways so it doesn't really cool down at night and since houses are built out of concrete here, they don't really breathe either; they just hold the heat in. I can't wait to return to cool IL.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Last Leg
This morning I started to feel like I was on the downhill slide. I am wrapping up all the loose ends that I have here. Thursday and friday of this week and next I will be helping with homeschooling in the dorm. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was agreeing to help out with that while the regulars are on holiday, but really it was two and a half months ago.
This afternoon I also had a meeting with Daron, the short term trips coordinator -also known as the Serve Asia program. We discussed a couple of the books I read for my internship--Mountain Rain (a biography of J.O. Fraser) and Live Life on Purpose. Again, it seems like just yesterday I was sitting in his office for orientation and he was telling me we would discuss these books shortly before I left. We had a really good conversation (more about this later though...perhaps when I reflect on the internship as a whole).
Tomorrow I am leaving at 7 am to making my second and LAST trip to the Burmese border to renew my visa. I am not looking forward to spending upwards of nine or ten hours in a van, but at least it will be air conditioned. Speaking of air con, Chiang Mai reached its highest temp so far this past week. It was 91° inside (with shade and a fan) and well over 100° outside. These temperatures don't even take into account the heat index. I am surviving the heat though. I've been drinking water like it is my job, knowing from experience that dehydration is no walk in the park. Please pray that I'll remain healthy through the last two weeks that I am here.
This afternoon I also had a meeting with Daron, the short term trips coordinator -also known as the Serve Asia program. We discussed a couple of the books I read for my internship--Mountain Rain (a biography of J.O. Fraser) and Live Life on Purpose. Again, it seems like just yesterday I was sitting in his office for orientation and he was telling me we would discuss these books shortly before I left. We had a really good conversation (more about this later though...perhaps when I reflect on the internship as a whole).
Tomorrow I am leaving at 7 am to making my second and LAST trip to the Burmese border to renew my visa. I am not looking forward to spending upwards of nine or ten hours in a van, but at least it will be air conditioned. Speaking of air con, Chiang Mai reached its highest temp so far this past week. It was 91° inside (with shade and a fan) and well over 100° outside. These temperatures don't even take into account the heat index. I am surviving the heat though. I've been drinking water like it is my job, knowing from experience that dehydration is no walk in the park. Please pray that I'll remain healthy through the last two weeks that I am here.
This video is not related to anything else mentioned in this post, but it really captures the essence of Bibi, the dog that I sat for last week.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Plugging Away
I am happy to report that this week has been one of relaxation, fun, and sleeping in air con.
April 13-15 is Songkran (Thai New Year) and it is essentially three days of water throwing...fun fun! I was able to participate and threw my fair share of water at cars and trucks as they drove by. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me seeing as it isn't waterproof and all. Just as a matter of speculation, I have to say that it is a very modest event. By modest I mean there isn't a lot of skin showing. The water throwing is anything but modest in Chiang Mai --in fact, some say that Chiang Mai is the site for the largest Songkran celebrations. In the States it is easy to imagine such an event being turned into 'girls gone wild' or something of that nature. However, in Thailand, most everybody is wearing an oversized t-shirt. It is completely modest and just an all around good time--until you get nailed with ice water. Yes, ice water. Trucks will drive around selling large blocks of ice for people to place in barrels of water. Even in almost 100° weather cold water is still a shock.
This week I am house/dog sitting for my mentor and her husband. I am thoroughly enjoying air con (I only turn it on while I sleep) and will be sad when sunday rolls around and I am relegated back to the un-air conditioned dorm. But on the bright side I will only have two weeks left by then!
The end of my internship means that deadlines and due dates are approaching. I am thrilled to be done with the four assigned books and the reflection papers that went along with them. Additionally, I have four papers to write as overall reflections on my internship experience. A lot of the content for these papers can actually be found right here on my blog, I just edit and organize my thoughts in a more coherent way. As of today I have two done and two to go. I am hopeful that I will finish those tomorrow. I cannot express how freeing it is to think that I just have two papers left in my college career!
April 13-15 is Songkran (Thai New Year) and it is essentially three days of water throwing...fun fun! I was able to participate and threw my fair share of water at cars and trucks as they drove by. Unfortunately, I didn't have my camera with me seeing as it isn't waterproof and all. Just as a matter of speculation, I have to say that it is a very modest event. By modest I mean there isn't a lot of skin showing. The water throwing is anything but modest in Chiang Mai --in fact, some say that Chiang Mai is the site for the largest Songkran celebrations. In the States it is easy to imagine such an event being turned into 'girls gone wild' or something of that nature. However, in Thailand, most everybody is wearing an oversized t-shirt. It is completely modest and just an all around good time--until you get nailed with ice water. Yes, ice water. Trucks will drive around selling large blocks of ice for people to place in barrels of water. Even in almost 100° weather cold water is still a shock.
This week I am house/dog sitting for my mentor and her husband. I am thoroughly enjoying air con (I only turn it on while I sleep) and will be sad when sunday rolls around and I am relegated back to the un-air conditioned dorm. But on the bright side I will only have two weeks left by then!
The end of my internship means that deadlines and due dates are approaching. I am thrilled to be done with the four assigned books and the reflection papers that went along with them. Additionally, I have four papers to write as overall reflections on my internship experience. A lot of the content for these papers can actually be found right here on my blog, I just edit and organize my thoughts in a more coherent way. As of today I have two done and two to go. I am hopeful that I will finish those tomorrow. I cannot express how freeing it is to think that I just have two papers left in my college career!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Does Your Friend Know How to Speak English?
After we got back into Omkoi from our drive down the mountain, we stopped to eat lunch. While we there an older man, perhaps American, but I couldn't be sure was talking to Hans and Beatrice. I said hi to him when he first walked up, but then resumed eating my meal in silence. As I listened I found out his name was Peter and he was apparently in Omkoi with some type of a team that was rennovating a church in Omkoi. The reason that I could not be sure he was American was that his english seemed really awkward--he spoke really slowly and did not seem sure of himself at all. After dicussing all of the buiding that had progressed while we were out of town, Peter said to Hans, "Does your friend know how to speak english?" It was all I could do not to laugh, especially considering that I had been the only native english speaker the whole time we were in the village. Hans winked at me and said, "Yes, she knows a little." Then Peter looked at me, I suppose expecting me to answer the question, so I answered, "A little bit." I said it crystal clear and without any accent at all, but Peter bought it.
Then I told him I was American.
Then I told him I was American.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Visa Run, Or How I Visited 3 Countries In 1 Day
My visa actually expired on the 4th, but since I was out in the mountains I couldn't get to the border too easily. That being said, I had to go to the border as soon as I returned from the village. No rest for the weary. Normally there are vans that go to the border every day just for tourists who want to extend their visas. However, the visa extensions lately have been for 15 days instead of 30 as it was before. With the shorter visas there have been a lot less tourists and less vans going to the border for that sole purpose. So, I ended up going on a tour of North Thailand just so I could get my visa extended. At first I was annoyed, but looking back I am really glad that I was able to do the tour.
Here are some of the highlights:
Here are some of the highlights:
The only picture I took in Myanmar. I was there for a grand total of 20 minutes--just long enough to get fined! (for my visa being expired)
Life In A Karen Village, Or How I Lost 10 Pounds In 5 Days
The 5 days that I spent in the Karen village were definitely the most demanding of my entire internship. For me, the primary purpose of the trip was to see the ministry that happens in a village context, so mostly observation. Also, I knew that I would be helping paint in a newly constructed church. The Swiss missionaries, Hans and Beatrice, have a relationship with this church and they were going to do some teaching also.
In addition, there were two other Serve Asia workers who came along: one from Switzerland (Fabio) and one from Austria (Martin). Translation: I was the only non-German speaking person in the group. Despite them all knowing English, they spoke German most of the trip. Often I was the only person in the room who didn't know what was going on. Hans and Beatrice were using German and Karen for the most part and I don't know either one of those languages. At first I didn't mind, but as the trip went on the more I felt like language was being used to exclude me. I can't say that was their intent, but that is how I felt most of the time. Even though I was in a room full of people I felt alone. At one point, the Karen people asked us to sing a song for them. We did, and while we were still standing up in front of everyone, Fabio and Martin started speaking in German and Hans was translating into Karen. For a good five minutes I had no idea what was going on. It was all I could do to hold tears back. I went to bed early that night and as I lay there crying I could hear Fabio downstairs talking to a Karen guy. He had asked Fabio somehow (he spoke very little English) if I was alright or something to that effect. Fabio's answer was, "Well, she doesn't understand Karen and she doesn't understand German so she doesn't have any idea what is happening." Exactly.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea about this trip though--other parts of it were enjoyable.
The Karen people were amazing and I did have a chance to use my Thai though since some of the young people can speak Thai in addition to Karen. There was a Karen evangelist, Sam (top right picture) there also and he knew Karen, Thai, and some English. When we were speaking together in English he kept apologizing because his English was not very good, but I had to keep encouraging him to talk to me. I was desperate to speak to anyone who knew any English, no matter how little!
The mother of the family we stayed with was also amazing. She didn't know a lick of English but it was evident that she was glad I was there. Almost every time she saw me she would come and give me a hug and speak a lot of Karen. I think part of the time she was saying God bless you and part of the time asking me to come and help her take care of her grandchildren. One time I was lying down and she came over and we basically cuddled together while she said who knows what in Karen. She is the lady standing next to me in the bottom left picture.
Beatrice visited several homes in the village to pray with people and I would tag along with her--that is what many of the other pictures are from. In nearly every home someone would say something about the traditional Karen skirt looking nice on me and then telling me that I should marry a Karen man. They also wanted me to marry a Karen man because I am so quiet and reserved. I think I am going to have to disappoint them, though. ;)
In addition, there were two other Serve Asia workers who came along: one from Switzerland (Fabio) and one from Austria (Martin). Translation: I was the only non-German speaking person in the group. Despite them all knowing English, they spoke German most of the trip. Often I was the only person in the room who didn't know what was going on. Hans and Beatrice were using German and Karen for the most part and I don't know either one of those languages. At first I didn't mind, but as the trip went on the more I felt like language was being used to exclude me. I can't say that was their intent, but that is how I felt most of the time. Even though I was in a room full of people I felt alone. At one point, the Karen people asked us to sing a song for them. We did, and while we were still standing up in front of everyone, Fabio and Martin started speaking in German and Hans was translating into Karen. For a good five minutes I had no idea what was going on. It was all I could do to hold tears back. I went to bed early that night and as I lay there crying I could hear Fabio downstairs talking to a Karen guy. He had asked Fabio somehow (he spoke very little English) if I was alright or something to that effect. Fabio's answer was, "Well, she doesn't understand Karen and she doesn't understand German so she doesn't have any idea what is happening." Exactly.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea about this trip though--other parts of it were enjoyable.
The Karen people were amazing and I did have a chance to use my Thai though since some of the young people can speak Thai in addition to Karen. There was a Karen evangelist, Sam (top right picture) there also and he knew Karen, Thai, and some English. When we were speaking together in English he kept apologizing because his English was not very good, but I had to keep encouraging him to talk to me. I was desperate to speak to anyone who knew any English, no matter how little!
The mother of the family we stayed with was also amazing. She didn't know a lick of English but it was evident that she was glad I was there. Almost every time she saw me she would come and give me a hug and speak a lot of Karen. I think part of the time she was saying God bless you and part of the time asking me to come and help her take care of her grandchildren. One time I was lying down and she came over and we basically cuddled together while she said who knows what in Karen. She is the lady standing next to me in the bottom left picture.
Beatrice visited several homes in the village to pray with people and I would tag along with her--that is what many of the other pictures are from. In nearly every home someone would say something about the traditional Karen skirt looking nice on me and then telling me that I should marry a Karen man. They also wanted me to marry a Karen man because I am so quiet and reserved. I think I am going to have to disappoint them, though. ;)
Village life certainly did not disappoint my expectations of it being less than, shall we say, comfortable? I suppose I should clarify that there are varying degrees of village life. There are several villages that have power and many other modern conveniences that we are used to in the west. However, a village that takes four hours to drive to, all on unpaved roads, straight up a mountain, is a whole other ball game.
Every meal was cooked over a fire and every meal included rice. The dishes served with the rice are hard to describe, but they all had about the same texture--mushy. Some had potatoes and some had noodles, all had vegetables and all had the Karen ingredient of choice: pepper. Every dish was spicy, even at breakfast. To be polite I would take a little of the dish and eat it. Apparently, the house mother noticed that I was growing a bit thin because at one meal as she was dishing out her portion she looked at me and my plate and slopped some more of an identifiable green mushy substance onto my plate. One of the interesting things I ate was cinnamon, straight from the tree. That was just a snack though, not part of a meal.
The house we stayed in was literally battery powered. The lights at night were hooked up to a car battery and that is how we had light to learn by at the evening meetings. Showers were, well, non-existent unless a bucket shower counts. Sleeping was on the floor and I think it goes without saying that there were no fans.
The second night we were there we hiked to a neighboring village. For two hours or so. It was intense to say the least and not really what I thought I was getting myself into when I said I wanted to see what life was like in the village. But, I suppose that is what life is like in the village; the average person doesn't have the luxury of a car and few have motorbikes. We crossed over a river several times (really more like a creek though), walked through pastures and I saw cows for the first time since leaving good ole Greenville, and hiked on paths literally on the side of a mountain. Did I mention I was wearing flip flops?
I'll end with these pictures from a fire we saw on our trip up the mountain.
Mae Hong Son
My trip to Mae Hong Son was a breath of fresh air. Beth (in the top right picture) and I spent every afternoon at a local coffee shop working in the air con since her house in the village doesn't have any and the afternoons are unbearably hot here during this time of year. I hadn't brought anything with me to work on, so Beth loaned me some books and I ended up reading five books while I was there --one a day. One morning we went to visit a neighboring village and saw some girls from the youth group (bottom left picture) and spoke to a Shan evangelist (top right picture). On sunday morning I had the opportunity to share my testimony with some Shan believers. One challenge to sharing my testimony was making it easily translatable for Beth and easy to understand for the believers. It was rewarding for me to think about how I came to faith without all of the typical words that Christians throw around.
The top left picture is a guest house that I stayed in a couple nights while I was there; the bottom right is a picture overlooking the city of Mae Hong Son--too bad it wasn't clearer.
**Sorry for the small photos. Try clicking on the picture and you should be able to see a larger one**
The top left picture is a guest house that I stayed in a couple nights while I was there; the bottom right is a picture overlooking the city of Mae Hong Son--too bad it wasn't clearer.
**Sorry for the small photos. Try clicking on the picture and you should be able to see a larger one**
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Busy, Busy, Busy!
Yes, you heard right. For the first time in almost three months I feel busy.
Tomorrow (the 26th) morning I will fly to Mae Hong Son, Thailand to visit Beth, a missionary friend that I met back in January. I will fly back to Chiang Mai on the evening of the 30th. This is only a 30 minute flight, by the way. I would still appreciate your prayers that I am able to actually fly to and from Mae Hong Son. Right now, it looks like we will fly tomorrow, but lots of things could change between now and monday.
I'll barely be back in Chiang Mai long enough to unpack since I will be heading out bright and early on April 1st to visit a Karen village with a Swiss couple. We won't actually arrive at the village until sometime on the 2nd. We will leave there on the 5th, arrive back in Chiang Mai on the 6th.
On the 7th I'll be making a trip to the Burmese border to renew my visa. I was only given a 90 day visa when I entered the country and that visa actually expires on April 4th, but I'll be out in a remote village, so I decided it was worth it to pay the fine. It is actually cheaper for me to be illegally in the country for 3 days than to pay to have my visa extended for 7 days before I leave for the village. When I re-enter the country I will get a 15 day tourist visa, which means I will be making another border run later in April.
Adding to the busy-ness are the deadlines looming over my head. After I get back I will have less than a month to finish everything up school-wise. It seemed like not so long ago those deadlines were months away...
Tomorrow (the 26th) morning I will fly to Mae Hong Son, Thailand to visit Beth, a missionary friend that I met back in January. I will fly back to Chiang Mai on the evening of the 30th. This is only a 30 minute flight, by the way. I would still appreciate your prayers that I am able to actually fly to and from Mae Hong Son. Right now, it looks like we will fly tomorrow, but lots of things could change between now and monday.
I'll barely be back in Chiang Mai long enough to unpack since I will be heading out bright and early on April 1st to visit a Karen village with a Swiss couple. We won't actually arrive at the village until sometime on the 2nd. We will leave there on the 5th, arrive back in Chiang Mai on the 6th.
On the 7th I'll be making a trip to the Burmese border to renew my visa. I was only given a 90 day visa when I entered the country and that visa actually expires on April 4th, but I'll be out in a remote village, so I decided it was worth it to pay the fine. It is actually cheaper for me to be illegally in the country for 3 days than to pay to have my visa extended for 7 days before I leave for the village. When I re-enter the country I will get a 15 day tourist visa, which means I will be making another border run later in April.
Adding to the busy-ness are the deadlines looming over my head. After I get back I will have less than a month to finish everything up school-wise. It seemed like not so long ago those deadlines were months away...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Culture Shock
Culture Shock— n. a sense of confusion and uncertainty with feelings of anxiety.
That pretty much sums up how I feel. However, that is not how I feel in relation to Thai culture. I was prepared to be frustrated by the differences between East and West and I was prepared to feel lost and confused living in a city where everyone speaks a different language and uses different symbols to express words. That I was prepared for. Some days I am frustrated with my inabilities to communicate to a Thai person. I learned a pretty broad vocabulary when I took Thai class, but it is really hard to retain the vocab when you don't use it on a daily basis. Thai people are very understanding of my shortcomings, though. They love that I am trying to learn to speak their language. No matter how horribly I butcher their language, they still tell me that I speak beautifully. I had heard before I came that Thai people are some of the friendliest people in the whole world and I would say that is true for most of them.
I feel culture shocked when I think about the people I have to work with. Most of them are Swiss, which is ironic since my mother's family can trace themselves back to Switzerland. Most of the short-termers are Swiss and the others have no grasp of Thai. They have not taken lessons and essentially know how to hi and thank you. I am not saying this to belittle them, but rather to give some context for the comment that one of them made to me which was discouraging and insensitive to say the least. One morning at the staff coffee break, the cell phone for the guest house rang and I answered. The person on the other end spoke only Thai so I handed the phone off to a Mekong staff person who spoke Thai fluently. Immediately after I did that the comment made was, "Didn't you go to Thai class for six weeks? Didn't you do that so that you could talk on the phone? Most people who go to class can do that at least. What was the point of your class?" Thankfully, another staff member came to my rescue and said that it took him years to master being able to talk on the phone to a Thai person. In my own defense, I think the comment made shows the ignorance of the person speaking. Ignorant of how complex the language learning process is and ignorant of the Thai language, which is tonal making it much more difficult to master. No one learns a language in six weeks. Just in case you wondered, the caller had the wrong number.
The person I work with the most (aside from Jamie, my field mentor) is a 65 year old Swiss woman. She is by far the source of my anxiety and uncertainty and confusion. The only specific instructions I have ever been given by her are about unlocking in the mornings, locking up in the evenings, refilling the snack bar and answering email. At most those activities take about an hour, maybe two, of my time. That leaves an awful lot of free time. I later found out that on monday, wednesday, and friday mornings I am responsible for a staff coffee break. There are other parts to the job, but I learned them as I went, each of them a surprise and an opportunity to be told that I did something wrong. I often feel that I am held responsible for information that I never knew in the first place. Which leads me to feel like this woman is out to make me look like a fool. I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells, afraid that I am going to screw up without even knowing it. I dread going to the Hudson House because I feel like it is an opportunity for her to shame me yet again. Even worse is that I feel I can't talk about this to anyone because it will get back to her. Most of the people I interact with are part of the Mekong Center or at least know of this woman and I don't feel comfortable talking about her to any of them. I don't want advice and I don't want to do damage to her reputation. Others think she is the nicest woman. (I think it is because she isn't telling them what to do...). Basically I need someone to vent to, but I don't have that so I am venting to you, my faithful blog readers. I really need prayer in this area, personally I have been praying that God would grant me favor in her eyes.
I would also invite you to pray about the pollution here. I am supposed to fly to Mae Hong Son, Thailand later this week to visit an OMF missionary. She was in town this week and stopped by the office. She mentioned that flights have been cancelled because of all the pollution. Her words were "don't worry, but pray."
That pretty much sums up how I feel. However, that is not how I feel in relation to Thai culture. I was prepared to be frustrated by the differences between East and West and I was prepared to feel lost and confused living in a city where everyone speaks a different language and uses different symbols to express words. That I was prepared for. Some days I am frustrated with my inabilities to communicate to a Thai person. I learned a pretty broad vocabulary when I took Thai class, but it is really hard to retain the vocab when you don't use it on a daily basis. Thai people are very understanding of my shortcomings, though. They love that I am trying to learn to speak their language. No matter how horribly I butcher their language, they still tell me that I speak beautifully. I had heard before I came that Thai people are some of the friendliest people in the whole world and I would say that is true for most of them.
I feel culture shocked when I think about the people I have to work with. Most of them are Swiss, which is ironic since my mother's family can trace themselves back to Switzerland. Most of the short-termers are Swiss and the others have no grasp of Thai. They have not taken lessons and essentially know how to hi and thank you. I am not saying this to belittle them, but rather to give some context for the comment that one of them made to me which was discouraging and insensitive to say the least. One morning at the staff coffee break, the cell phone for the guest house rang and I answered. The person on the other end spoke only Thai so I handed the phone off to a Mekong staff person who spoke Thai fluently. Immediately after I did that the comment made was, "Didn't you go to Thai class for six weeks? Didn't you do that so that you could talk on the phone? Most people who go to class can do that at least. What was the point of your class?" Thankfully, another staff member came to my rescue and said that it took him years to master being able to talk on the phone to a Thai person. In my own defense, I think the comment made shows the ignorance of the person speaking. Ignorant of how complex the language learning process is and ignorant of the Thai language, which is tonal making it much more difficult to master. No one learns a language in six weeks. Just in case you wondered, the caller had the wrong number.
The person I work with the most (aside from Jamie, my field mentor) is a 65 year old Swiss woman. She is by far the source of my anxiety and uncertainty and confusion. The only specific instructions I have ever been given by her are about unlocking in the mornings, locking up in the evenings, refilling the snack bar and answering email. At most those activities take about an hour, maybe two, of my time. That leaves an awful lot of free time. I later found out that on monday, wednesday, and friday mornings I am responsible for a staff coffee break. There are other parts to the job, but I learned them as I went, each of them a surprise and an opportunity to be told that I did something wrong. I often feel that I am held responsible for information that I never knew in the first place. Which leads me to feel like this woman is out to make me look like a fool. I constantly feel like I am walking on eggshells, afraid that I am going to screw up without even knowing it. I dread going to the Hudson House because I feel like it is an opportunity for her to shame me yet again. Even worse is that I feel I can't talk about this to anyone because it will get back to her. Most of the people I interact with are part of the Mekong Center or at least know of this woman and I don't feel comfortable talking about her to any of them. I don't want advice and I don't want to do damage to her reputation. Others think she is the nicest woman. (I think it is because she isn't telling them what to do...). Basically I need someone to vent to, but I don't have that so I am venting to you, my faithful blog readers. I really need prayer in this area, personally I have been praying that God would grant me favor in her eyes.
I would also invite you to pray about the pollution here. I am supposed to fly to Mae Hong Son, Thailand later this week to visit an OMF missionary. She was in town this week and stopped by the office. She mentioned that flights have been cancelled because of all the pollution. Her words were "don't worry, but pray."
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Meet Preston
Preston is the son of my field mentor, Jamie. He is almost 15 months old and I have the privilege of getting to watch him once a week while Jamie is at school. This week is finals week for her so I get to watch Preston three days in a row. Anyway, it is really fun to see all of the new things he is learning. He is learning what words mean, like stop. And I am getting to see him learn how to obey. Today we were eating lunch at the restaurant down the street and he has the tendency to want to run out of the eating area towards to street or towards a fish "pond." As soon as I saw him making a beeline for the street I said, "Preston, stop!" And he did. Then he took off towards the fish pond. I told him to wait. i didn't think he was going to but as soon as he got to the edge of the concrete he stopped and waited so that we could go over to the fish pond together.
I could fill up this blog with stories of all the hilarious things Preston does, but I won't. However, I think he deserves at least one entry seeing as I spend at least a day a week with him, sometimes more; and because he is just so cute!
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
On A Wing & A Prayer
For quite some time now I have known that I needed to call Delta to get a later flight on the way home because a NINE minute layover isn't going to cut it.
The saga started two sundays ago when I tried to call Delta's office in Bangkok. I never could get through. I asked my field mentor about it and she informed me that I needed to put a zero in front of the number. I think by the time I was actually able to call it was friday and apparently it was quitting time too because no one answered the phone all weekend. I finally got through on monday (or maybe it was tuesday). Here is the conversation in a nutshell (after all the pleasantries and explaining that I wanted to change a flight):
I called it and it didn't work. (Does anyone see a pattern?). I looked online and saw that they had an office in Chiang Mai. Excellent. I called that number and then found out after being on hold for five minutes that they couldn't do anything about it in Chiang Mai and I needed to call Bangkok. They gave me that number and it worked, thank goodness! After being on hold for an eternity, I again explained my situation. She asked where my destination was, so naturally I said St. Louis. It was quite obvious by the silence on the other end that she had never heard of St. Louis. So, then I walked her through my itinerary and explained that the last two flights were with Delta. I was convinced she was going to make me call Delta again. Finally, she said that I couldn't change any of my flights without changing all of them. I told her that my reason for wanting to change the flight was having only nine minutes in between flights. I was assured that the flights would not have been booked so close together if I was going to miss the last one. According to her there is no reason to change anything.
I am hoping that she is right, but I am preparing for her to be wrong. I really don't understand how I can NOT miss that flight with only nine minutes to get from one plane to the next. Good thing my flight is in the morning so that I won't be stuck in the airport all night :)
The saga started two sundays ago when I tried to call Delta's office in Bangkok. I never could get through. I asked my field mentor about it and she informed me that I needed to put a zero in front of the number. I think by the time I was actually able to call it was friday and apparently it was quitting time too because no one answered the phone all weekend. I finally got through on monday (or maybe it was tuesday). Here is the conversation in a nutshell (after all the pleasantries and explaining that I wanted to change a flight):
"What is your flight number?"Today I went to Chiang (a Thai woman who works in OMF's offices) to find out if she could find a number for Delta that was different than the one listed on their website. I don't know what she did or how she did it, but within seconds I had two different numbers to try. I called the first one, explained what I needed. She asked for the same info: flight number, name, etc. (Note: it took about 5 tries at me spelling my name for her to actually get it right. No matter how much I emphasized the 'v' she kept hearing d or p or t.) Then I was informed that I actually needed to call Cathay Pacific Airways, who I am flying out of Bangkok with. She graciously gave me their number.
"5145."
"What airline?"
"Delta." (I thought this should have been obvious since I was calling Delta's office, however...)
"This isn't Delta."
click.
I called it and it didn't work. (Does anyone see a pattern?). I looked online and saw that they had an office in Chiang Mai. Excellent. I called that number and then found out after being on hold for five minutes that they couldn't do anything about it in Chiang Mai and I needed to call Bangkok. They gave me that number and it worked, thank goodness! After being on hold for an eternity, I again explained my situation. She asked where my destination was, so naturally I said St. Louis. It was quite obvious by the silence on the other end that she had never heard of St. Louis. So, then I walked her through my itinerary and explained that the last two flights were with Delta. I was convinced she was going to make me call Delta again. Finally, she said that I couldn't change any of my flights without changing all of them. I told her that my reason for wanting to change the flight was having only nine minutes in between flights. I was assured that the flights would not have been booked so close together if I was going to miss the last one. According to her there is no reason to change anything.
I am hoping that she is right, but I am preparing for her to be wrong. I really don't understand how I can NOT miss that flight with only nine minutes to get from one plane to the next. Good thing my flight is in the morning so that I won't be stuck in the airport all night :)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Still Learning
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Run For Relief
Today (saturday) was the 5th annual Run For Relief. Its purpose is to raise money and raise awareness about the internally displaced peoples in Burma, who have had to flee their homes as the Burmese army has attacked.
This is probably the first and last 5K I will walk in. What happens in Thailand, stays in Thailand. It was a lot of fun and a great chance to meet some new people and to connect with my mentor.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
I'm Allergic To Thailand
Now, I realize that I am not really allergic to Thailand, just to clarify.
But, I think I may have perpetually itchy eyes, sore throat and stuffy nose. at least until May.
Its the burn season here in Thailand. Burning=pollution. Pollution=allergies. So I suppose I'll just get use the the sore, scratchy throat and the watery eyes. About the only positive is that all of the smog cools things down a bit, but I'm thinking in April a few degrees cooler isn't going to make much difference. Rumor has it that outdoor events have been canceled due to the pollution in the past. Let's hope it doesn't get that bad.
Changing the topic...
I knew before I came that my schedule was going to be flexible. It's just something to expect with the missionary life. Plans change a lot. It's becoming really frustrating though. I am trying to get out of the city and visit some villages and I can't seem to nail down any definite dates with anyone. And it's frustrating. Even more frustrating is that I have the others I work at the guest house with and they need to know when I am going to be gone so that it can be planned around. I don't have any dates and they keep asking for them and the conversation goes in circles. It's quite frustrating. And I've had the same circular conversation twice this week. They were both about 30 minutes long. Repeating the same thing over and over. Getting nowhere. Frustrating. Sometimes I wonder how many times i have to repeat myself in order to be understood. Oh the joys of cross-cultural relationships.
But, I think I may have perpetually itchy eyes, sore throat and stuffy nose. at least until May.
Its the burn season here in Thailand. Burning=pollution. Pollution=allergies. So I suppose I'll just get use the the sore, scratchy throat and the watery eyes. About the only positive is that all of the smog cools things down a bit, but I'm thinking in April a few degrees cooler isn't going to make much difference. Rumor has it that outdoor events have been canceled due to the pollution in the past. Let's hope it doesn't get that bad.
Changing the topic...
I knew before I came that my schedule was going to be flexible. It's just something to expect with the missionary life. Plans change a lot. It's becoming really frustrating though. I am trying to get out of the city and visit some villages and I can't seem to nail down any definite dates with anyone. And it's frustrating. Even more frustrating is that I have the others I work at the guest house with and they need to know when I am going to be gone so that it can be planned around. I don't have any dates and they keep asking for them and the conversation goes in circles. It's quite frustrating. And I've had the same circular conversation twice this week. They were both about 30 minutes long. Repeating the same thing over and over. Getting nowhere. Frustrating. Sometimes I wonder how many times i have to repeat myself in order to be understood. Oh the joys of cross-cultural relationships.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Bhubing Palace
Today was my day off and also Ermanno and Franzisca's (they help in the dorms) day off. We took advantage of the cooler than normal day and went to Bhubing Palace, the home of the king when he visits Chiang Mai. Typically he comes to Chiang Mai in February and the palace would be closed. However, he is is not coming to Chiang Mai until sometime in March so the palace has remained open to the public.
The Bhubing Palace. You can't really tell how expansive it is from this angle, but trust me the place was huge.
In front of the giant bamboo.
Since it was a wednesday there weren't many visitors on the grounds. However, as farang (foreigners) we did stand out. A group of Thai people from the Bangkok area spotted us and insisted on having their photo taken with us. And the monks seemed to be quite fond of me. Although I wanted to get my picture taken with a monk I wasn't about to ask for a picture, thinking that it may be taken as a sign of disrespect. Two monks asked for photos with me, so I seized the opportunity and had them take a picture with my camera as well.
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