I remember feeling overwhelmed during the first week of classes my freshman year of college---good ol' syllabus shock. Having only written one paper in high school (and only four pages at that) I was not prepared to write multiple papers over a 15 week period. Well, I did and I survived. Looking back I wonder why I was so freaked out by those syllabi.
I am hoping that in December I will look back and wonder why I was so freaked out in August. I have only seen one of three syllabi and already I am dreading the workload that this semester will bring. I feel like a freshman again. I feel just as unprepared as I did then. I haven't written a paper in nearly ten months. I haven't been in a classroom for ten months. It just feels weird to even walk around on campus. I am wondering how on earth I will ever get through the next two to three years.
To be honest I am filled with a lot of worry and doubt. I am doubting my own abilities and I am worried that seminary will just be too hard. I am also remembering that someone once said worry and doubt are practical atheism. So I am going to choose to trust God. To trust that I am right where he wants me to be.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Community
I'm not really sure if it is part of the culture readjustment or just part of my personality, but I am finding that it is really hard to live in community. I know that living in community is good for me, but I don't enjoy it all the time. I even caught myself missing Thailand yesterday because of the independence. And not having to answer to anyone. And having everything the way I want it.
After indulging the introvert in me for four months it is really hard to live with other people. It is really hard to be ok with my stuff getting used and moved and what not. Sometimes its just really hard to be around people in general. Even when they are just minding their own business, they are still there, unintentionally looking over my shoulder, knowing what I am doing and holding me accountable. This is a good thing for spiritual formation--and spiritual formation can be painful.
That being said, I am lucky enough to see my two closest friends everyday. This is a blessing that I often forget and overlook. With that in mind, I don't really miss Thailand all that much. Even my weird neighbor here is better than the weird neighbors who spoke Swiss-German all the time.
Thailand was such a weird time in my life. I hated being away from everyone. After living in a dorm full of girls for four years there was something refreshing about someone always being around. Then I went to Thailand. And now its back to community and its challenges.
After indulging the introvert in me for four months it is really hard to live with other people. It is really hard to be ok with my stuff getting used and moved and what not. Sometimes its just really hard to be around people in general. Even when they are just minding their own business, they are still there, unintentionally looking over my shoulder, knowing what I am doing and holding me accountable. This is a good thing for spiritual formation--and spiritual formation can be painful.
That being said, I am lucky enough to see my two closest friends everyday. This is a blessing that I often forget and overlook. With that in mind, I don't really miss Thailand all that much. Even my weird neighbor here is better than the weird neighbors who spoke Swiss-German all the time.
Thailand was such a weird time in my life. I hated being away from everyone. After living in a dorm full of girls for four years there was something refreshing about someone always being around. Then I went to Thailand. And now its back to community and its challenges.
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