Thoughts On Graduate School

I remember this time last year. I was dying to get into the U of I's School of Social Work. I prayed about it all the time. I asked pretty much everyone I knew to pray about it too. It was all I could think about. I worried about it all the time.

One year later, I am a student at the U of I's School of Social Work. Sure, I was elated a few months ago when I found out I was accepted. Now, I am more of stressed. Now, I kind of wish I wouldn't have got in and that I was out working a job that would actually be relevant to a career in social work.

I remember loathing the waiting process so much. I remember thinking it was so hard to wait on God to answer my prayers. As hard as all the waiting was, it was so much easier than actually doing what God calls you to. I don't know that I have ever wanted something so desperately and once I got it, wished it was something else.

Waiting seems so easy now. It was easy to be in limbo and easy to wait because it just required some faith. Actually going to graduate school requires so much more faith. It isn't that my actual faith is being challenged, it is that I am being challenged and it requires me to put even more faith in God.

I don't know how many times I wonder if I will make it through. Twenty hours of graduate level classes is a lot. And somehow it took me until yesterday to fully grasp that. Twenty hours of class and spending 9 hours a week in my car is more than draining.

I am learning a ton about myself. Like, I suck at time management. And I am awesome at procrastination. And I am easily distracted. Also, I am not as disciplined as I once thought I was.

This week was midterms and it showed my true colors. I was mostly unprepared for all of them, yet somehow I think I will be ok. This has been a huge wake-up call and I now have the proof that a major overhaul is in order.