Discontentment

Discontentment. I cannot shake this feeling lately. It's everywhere.

I have slept until eleven almost every morning this week. Before I even get out of bed I feel like I have wasted half the day. When I feel like the day has already been wasted I am not any more motivated to get up. It's a never-ending downward spiral, not to mention a horrible sleep pattern.

School starts in just over a week. Just thinking about school overwhelms me. The homework. The driving. Buying textbooks.

My internship starts on May 15th. I have no idea where it will be. I am genuinely freaked out and feel so unprepared to go on internship. More unprepared than the spring semester of classes will help.

Then there is the tiny apartment. It is so small and cramped. There simply is not room for all of our stuff. There is constantly a pile of stuff to give away and yet there is still too much for the apartment. I feel like all I do is just move the clutter from one place to another. It is a pointless, never-ending cycle that makes me feel better for a day or two.

These are all relatively small ways in which I feel discontent. If it were just one I am sure I could handle it. I fact I probably wouldn't even notice it.

Maybe the point is that I am supposed to notice. Up until now I thought all of this was unholy discontentment-- I was not supposed to feel this way. But, what if this a holy discontentment that is leading me to God and leading me to find true contentment in Him?