Still Learning

Last monday night during a staff party of sorts I was given these flowers for the work I did in the TCK Library (TCK = Third Culture Kid). It was nice to be recognized, but it wasn't all that I thought it would be. I was listening to a podcast tonight and I was confronted by the message. The text for the sermon was the 10th commandment, coveting. As I listened I realized that part of my problem is being faithful to what God has called me to, the other part is being content with that. It dawned on me today that this is a issue of coveting. I want what someone else has. I want to be recognized. I want to do big things instead of little things. I want people to notice me. The ironic thing is that when I was recognized for doing something little the recognition wasn't that satisfying. Which goes to show that I'm not really content. Yeah, the flowers are nice and yes, the attention was on me for all of 2 minutes, but it was for a job that I didn't want to do in the first place. I've found myself thinking that I cannot be content in Thailand, but the truth is that I can be, I just don't want to be. Maybe it's because I come from a culture that is driven by success and status and the measure of that is partly derived from what I do. When the world hears me say that I sorted toys all afternoon it doesn't sound like I'm that successful --does it? Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is wrong to desire to make a difference with our lives, but I would say that my motivation is wrong. The times that I am unhappy about the work I do here are the times when I compare myself to others. To steal the words of the speaker in that podcast, I am learning that the measure of my success is the reflection of Christ in me and in my devotion to him.