On Behalf Of Cashiers Everywhere

Dear Customer,

When I ask how you are I'm just trying to be polite and make some conversation. I don't need to hear your whole life story, about how your brother is a terrible dad and you could do a much better job.

On the occasion that you are kind enough to ask me how I am, please accept that I am doing fine as I say instead of accusing me of less than that. Please don't tell me that I need to smile more. Do I come to your job and tell you how to do your job?

If you couldn't find something you desperately needed I am sorry. However, it is not my fault. I am not in charge of stocking shelves; I am a cashier. I do not have the entire layout and exact product locations memorized; I am a human, not a machine. You probably didn't need it that badly anyway.

On that note, if something rings up the wrong price it is not my fault. I am merely the messenger, unfortunately for me. I am not a mind reader. I do not magically know which products are on sale and exactly how much everything should ring up. So be polite and tell me something rang up wrong instead of biting my head off. It isn't my fault.

If you have a suggestion for the store that's fine. However, I am not the person to tell. I am in one location the whole time and when I go to break or to lunch or leave to go home the last thing I want to do is go track down a manager or anyone else to tell them this brilliant idea a customer had.

You can tell me all day long how much you hate this store and how much you hate shopping here but the fact remains that you are buying stuff from said store. If you hate it as much as you say, please, let your money do the talking and shop somewhere else. Also, has it occurred to you that as much as you hate shopping in said store I probably do not enjoy working in said store, especially when having to deal with irate customers such as yourself.

Please do not curse at me. I did not make you choose to shop here. I did not force you to come through my check-out line. I am most certainly not the reason you have obnoxious children that are making you spend all of your money.

If you claim to be a Christian [Yes, I noticed. You have crosses and/or bible verses on your checks, you are wearing a lame t-shirt that somehow references Christianity, you are claiming tax-exempt status on behalf of a church] please be polite at the least. If you are a pastor, I expect that all the more. After all, you are supposed to be a leader. Sadly I must say that some of the rudest and most arrogant customers are Christians, pastors at that. Thankfully not every Christian is so rude and some are genuinely interested in me as a person.

Oh, and if you are passing out religious tracts, please keep on moving. I do not need reading material for my break. I don't mean this out of arrogance but I likely know more about the Bible than you do (after all I do have a college degree from a BIBLE college). Not only that it is a poor evangelical strategy for the culture in which we live. And I'll probably never see you again anyway. If I did show up to your church would you even know who I was?

Speaking of that college degree, could you not treat me like an idiot? Because I'm not. Just because I am a cashier now, doesn't mean that I will be forever and it doesn't mean that I am less than human. Please treat me with some respect.

If you are on public aid, please be pleasant at the least. I'm sorry if your food stamps don't pay for you to eat from the deli or buy energy drinks or a pez dispenser for your kid; you already have 5 bags of chips in your cart, cupcakes, and 2 cases of soda in your cart.

If the light above my register is no illuminated I am closed, I am not taking customers; it's fairly simple, it doesn't even require you to read. Furthermore, if there is a "lane closed" sign at the end of my register, I am closed. Do I come to your workplace and ask you to delay your break for me? If you have a link (food stamps) card you are not exempt from this. If you ask me if paying with a link card makes a difference I will say, "no, I am still closed." You have now shown me that your mostly lazy and expect me to make an exception for you like the government has. Sorry, not happening.

If you are on the phone, hang up. Tell whoever you are talking to that there is a living, breathing person standing right in front of you that deserves to be treated like a human and not like a machine.

I think that's it. Have a good day.

Your cashier.

P.S. There are not elves who work in the back and can make any item you want magically appear.

[This is in no way a slam against ALL Christians or ALL people on government aid. I am generalizing my experiences and stating what seems to be the norm.]